Take a moment to stop and smell the flowers

Today was a long day, time seemed to stand still at work. I was just counting down the hours, minutes to 4:30pm when we could go home. At 4:30 a co-worker brought Jack to me so we could go home but didn't bring him bag so we needed to head back to his room to get it. For most this would seem like a quick simple task, but with a one year old who wants to walk everywhere it could take forever.

It took me 5 minutes to get him out of my class and into the main hall where I signed us out. And then the door open to a classroom where he saw a good friend of mine and headed in there to check it out. After 15 mins of him playing with the big kids, I said come on Jack time to go bye bye. He followed me out and we headed down the hallway to his room, he stopped at every bulletin board, door way and person that we met along the way. I finally said come on baby mommy wants to go home. We got to his room forever later and then he began to pull the toys out as I packed his bag, which meant we now need to clean up. Ok, cleaned up toys....check. Bag packed...check. Baby in hand...check. Let's get the heck outta here!

Now a half hour later (we could have been home by now) we are out of the building. But wait, Jack loses his footing and falls into a sitting position where he was content to sit and enjoy the view. About to lose it (did I mention it was a long day?) I help him up and we head up the walk way to the car. He reaches for my hand which melts my heart every time and I see our shadow. My eyes tear up and I think remember this. Remember this moment, it doesn't get any better then this. This is what you have waited for. As we pass the playground (yet another distraction) he squats down by the flowers. I say Jack let's go home and get Daddy and Bailey. And then it get's better. He stands up and has a flower in his hand, he hands it to me and I literally melt to the ground. My baby has just picked me his first flower. Needless to say I put our bags down, knelt down next to him and hugged him so tight. I realized in that moment that I can't rush this. I need to enjoy every single moment before it is gone. So there we sat for God knows how long looking at the flowers, smelling the flowers, and just being in the moment with my baby.

Being a working mom is hard, exhausting. But it is moments like these that remind me what is important in life, what motherhood is all about. So when you are tired, over worked, and over whelmed take a minute to stop and smell the flowers

Happy Birthday to me!

For the last few years I have wished for the same thing when I blew out my birthday candles. This year my wish came true so now what do I wish for?

Slow down!

I can't even stomach the thought that in five short weeks I have to leave my little man to go back to work. I am going to soak up every minute I have with him and hope that the next five weeks go by very slowly!

"Who can turn the world on with his smile"

Today I saw the most beautiful thing I have seen since I laid eyes on my beautiful baby boy. I got to see his beautiful smile! I have been waiting not so patiently to see him smile, and yes I have even worried about whether he ever would smile at all. Then today as I was buckling him into his car seat to go to my Dr appt he made eye contact with me and flashed me the biggest smile. It made my heart smile!

How is it possible that something so small can bring so much happiness into my life? This is truly an amazing adventure!

I'm a mommy!

I have carried a child within my body. I have comforted a baby upon my chest. My body is not magazine perfect, but when I look in the mirror I see a mother, and there is no greater honor or blessing.

Growing boy

Jack had his 1 month check up today and he did great! He now weighs 8lbs 12oz and is 21 inches long.

He did get a shot today, and mommy and baby didn't handle that so well. It broke my heart to hear him screaming in pain. I wish I could take the shots for him.

Ahh the joys of mommyhood

Last night Jack slept for 6hrs straight! It would have been amazing to get 6 hours of pure uninterrupted sleep. To bad I was up watching his chest rise and fall all night!

I thought I worried a lot during my pregnancy but oh my how the anxiety has taken over! I worry is he eating enough, is he gaining weight, is he sleeping to much, is he getting enough tummy time, are we interacting enough with him. The list goes on and on!

All this worrying is exhausting!

Happy 1 month Baby boy!

How is it possible that my baby is a whole month old already?? Time is flying by, the last few weeks all seem like a blur. Can someone please figure out how to slow down time.

Jack is doing really well with his sleep schedule. He usually goes down for the night around midnight and then will sleep until 4am. After he is fed he will go back down until 7am. Through out the day he is sleeping 8-10 hours. He is still loving his sleep which is a good thing because so is his mommy!

He also has has his feeding schedule down like clockwork. He is eating every 2 hours on the dot!

He is more alert these days and is starting to hold his head up. We are trying to increase his tummy time to strengthen his neck muscles, but a certain someone is not found of this!

Weight check

Yay, we did it!!

I am so proud of us! We increased the nursing to more frequently and longer sessions, which I will add neither mommy or baby were happy about, but it worked.

Today little man weighted 7lbs 9.3oz!

First pediatrician visit

Today we went for our first check up. My biggest fear came true....he is not gaining enough weight. Two weeks later and he is still not back up to his birth weight. He weighted in at 7lbs 6oz. We are going to increase our nursing sessions, and feed every 2hrs for 30-40mins on each side, then go back on Monday for a weight check. I am so hoping that we are able to get to where we need to be without having to supplement with formula.

Off to go wake the little guy up and get him nursing, time to chunk up little man!

Bath time

Today my baby boy is 2 weeks old! He celebrated by losing his umbilical cord and getting his first bath. He was not a fan of the bath at all. He cried the entire time. Who would have thought that someone who has spent the last 9 months under water would hate it so much!


The crying carried on even out of the tub!


After his 1st baby massage his tune changed a bit. Now that wasn't so bad was it?


Phew! Glad that is over, how often do we have to do this?

Well this isn't fun

Last night I had a slight fever, but I felt fine. I had mild soreness in my abdomen but I thought it was just my uterine muscles starting to heal. Well this morning I woke up this the worst gas pain I have ever felt! I was not sure what was going on since I didn't have that much gas while in the hospital. I took some gas x but it didn't seem to help. It really started to become unbearable. It almost felt as if I was having contractions. It hurt to sit, walk, and even lay down. This of course makes nursing Jack a very difficult task. I finally put a call into the doctor and they wanted to see me right away. After an ultrasound, and a doctor exam it turns out I have a uterine infection.

I have experienced a lot of pain in the last few years, between ER's, OHSS, and a c-section. This was by far the worst pain. I feel much better now that I am home and have a rx for pain killers but I am feeling guilty that I am not being a good mommy to Jack right now. I am hoping the antibiotics kick this infections ass fast so I can get back to my baby asap!

Happy 1 week little man!

Crazy how fast this week has gone! We got blessed with the best baby ever! He only cries when he is hungry or when we are fussing with him, like changing his diaper or getting him dressed. He is eating every 3-4 hours which gives me a good amount of sleep, but I am still exhausted. We are settling into a routine and the I think we finally are getting the hang of this breastfeeding stuff. This has been an amazing week, but I hope the next 13 weeks don't go this fast!

Welcome home baby boy-5 days old

At 11am this morning we got the ok from both my Dr and the pediatrician that we could be released. I was both excited and nervous to get home. Dh started to bring my bags to the car, I am embarrassed to admit it took him three trips lol. He warned me that the temperature outside was at a all time high of 100 + degrees. I couldn't believe I was about to go from our freezing hospital room that was stuck at 65 degrees to 100+ degree weather outside. I had packed a long sleeve shirt and pants outfit for Jack to go home in. I wondered if I should still dress him in it, but decided that he needed to be on the warmer side and the car was going to be air conditioned. So I began to dress him. This outfit that I had bought him before he was born seemed so small then. Now as I put it on my tiny peanut it was huge on him! So big that I could not keep the pants on him. He looked so silly in this over sized shirt and no pants but I had no back up so off we went!

Dh went to get the car and they wheeled me down to the front lobby. I saw him in the lobby holding Jack's car seat and with that the nurse helped me up from the wheelchair and was on her way. Just like that we were on our own. I have to be honest it was pretty freaking scary. Am I ready for this? Can we do this without the nurses? We began trying to get Jack into his car seat, it never really dawned on me to play around with the car seat before we went to the hospital. So there we stood outside the hospital trying to figure out how this thing works. Once we had him strapped in and in the car his head kept falling forward. This concerned me, Dh went in to ask the receptionist if anyone was available to help us. Turns out once you have checked out you are no longer their problem. So the answer was no. We went to two different police stations for help but of course the officers that do care seat safety were not on duty today. So we very carefully drove home with me holding his head up the whole time. As we pulled up to the house I saw the sign in our front yard announcing the birth of our baby boy. I squealed and said to Dh where did you get it!!! He then told me that he made it, he had been working on it for weeks. Tears began to run down my face as I looked at my house with a sign that my wonderful Dh had built just for our baby. The baby we have dreamed about for so long.

I was so excited to be home and to see my baby girl Bailey. I missed her so much and had so much guilt about bringing a new baby home. I know it's crazy that I was so worried about how my dog would react and worried that bringing him home was going to turn her world upside down but I really was. I cried so hard as I said goodbye to her when we left for the hospital on Wednesday. I knew her life was about to be forever changed. I left the baby in the car with Dh while I went in to see my girl. She was so excited to see me, and then she started sniffing me. I think she could sense something was up. She could smell something about me was different. I told Dh we were ready and he carried him. She was so curious. Looking in the car seat, sniffing him like crazy. She seemed a little scared of him when he moved. Then she began to pass and pant, and kiss him crazily. She was stressed. I know that we have not done all we should have to prepare her for this, and now she is the one paying for it. Dh took her for a walk while I nursed Jack, she seemed just as stressed when she came back and saw he was still here. I am so worried about her. I know she will adjust but it breaks my heart to see her like this.

Overall our first day home went pretty well. I spent most of the day nursing Jack, and catching up on Facebook, email, and the Nest.

I am sitting here looking at him now and still can't believe he is here, that he is mine. I am the happiest I have ever been. Just 5 days ago we became a family, today our house became a home.

Welcome to the world Jack Matthew!

Here is my beautiful baby boy's birth story....I got no sleep last night. I was up all night thinking about what today had in store for me. My night was filled with excitement, fear, and sorrow. I laid in bed feeling my baby boy squirm inside me knowing that we only had a few more hours together before I had to share him with the world. 7am rolled around way to quickly and before I knew it we were on our way to the hospital. We needed to be there for 8am. I cried the entire way to the hospital, I think it was a mix of the hormones and the fear of the unknown. I was terrified of being cut open, terrified something would go wrong, and still very sad that my pregnancy was coming to an end. It was so bittersweet, I was excited to become a mother and hold my son in my arms but I was still very sad that my pregnancy had come to end. I was terrified to feel that emptiness that I felt for 4yrs while trying to have this little miracle baby. Once we arrived at the hospital everything seemed to go very quickly. I changed into my beautiful gown and they hooked me up to the monitors, it was nice to get to hear my baby's heartbeat one last time before he entered the world.


At around 10:30 am I was wheeled into the OR. I was so nervous, I was terrified of the spinal I was about to get, and still had all the fears of something going wrong during the surgery. They helped me to the table and asked me to get into the fetal position, bring your legs to your chest and hug them. Well let me tell you when you are 9 months pregnant getting into the fetal position and hugging your legs in next to impossible. A nurse helped me get my legs up that far and helped me arch my back enough for them to insert the spinal. It seemed to take them forever for them to get it in! I couldn't breathe was so uncomfortable and just wanted it to be over with. They had some trouble getting it in and had to keep asking me to tuck in more. Yeah hi can you see I have this huge belly here that is preventing me from tucking anymore!! They finally got it in and I was able to roll over. I felt the spinal take affect and it was the most surreal feeling ever I could see the nurses prepping me but could feel nothing. They finally let Dh in, he came over and sat next to me and took my hand in his. It was all I could do not to lose it when I saw him. They then told me they were going to start.


They didn't want Dh standing so he was watching in a reflection on a glass cabinet door. Now I have watched my fair share of The Baby Story and it always seemed like they started the surgery and the baby was out within minutes. Well that is not the case it seemed to take FOREVER! I could feel the pressure, and then they began jostling me around. Dh looked at me like are you ok? I was being moved so much, I of course could feel nothing but thought it was so weird that I was being shaken so much. The Dr then said you have one big baby here. This took me by surprise since he has measured 50% the whole pregnancy and I was expecting a average 8lb baby. And then I heard the most wonderful sound, the sound of his little helpless cry. I started sobbing uncontrollably. They held him up for me to see but it was so quick he was just a blur, I could not believe he was here! My Dh went over to be with the baby while they finished the surgery.


I kept asking if he was ok and Dh kept telling me he was. I then asked him how much he weighted. Dh said I'm not sure I heard them say 11 10. What!? 11lbs 10oz? How is that possible? I heard the Dr say he was a big baby but how they hell was I carrying an 11lb baby and no one knew? Then the Dr corrected him and said 11 1o was the time of birth. We all had a chuckle I was so relieved to hear he was 7lbs 12 oz. I then said to the Dr I thought you said he was big? He then told me with all the trouble they had getting him out they thought he was much bigger. Dh told me that they had to use a vacuum to get him out and the cord was wrapped around his next 3x's! This scared me to death and I then continued to ask is he ok?


Then it happened. The Neonatalogist came over to me and explained that Jack had some fluid in his lungs. He was "grunting". They tried to give him time and were giving him oxygen hoping he would clear it out on his own but no such luck. She informed me that they were taking him to NICU for some observation. She reassured me that this was fairly common for c-section births and that he had such a mild case there was really no reason for me to worry. For some reason I really wasn't worried. It was the strangest thing. I was being told that my baby was being taken to NICU but I wasn't worried. I think I have that Dr to thank for that. She explained it to me so calmly and reassured me so much that I truly felt like I had no reason to be worried. I was of course disappointed that he would not be coming with me to recovery, that I would not be able to nurse him right away, that I would not be able to hold him. It broke my heart that he had just come into this world and his mommy was not going to be able to hold him and comfort him.


They finally brought him over for me to see and hold. I looked him in the eyes and it was like I had known him my entire life. In that moment I became a true believer of love at first sight. I knew nothing about this little person, he was a total stranger to me. Yet I was totally in love with him. I knew in that moment that my life had changed forever. I was now a mother.

last night pregnant- 38wks 5days

I am beyond thrilled that tomorrow I will become a mommy, I have waited a long time for this day. I cannot wait to meet my little boy, I know it is going to be a 1000x's better then I can ever imagine. But I would be lying if I said that I was glad my pregnancy is over. I have loved every minute of being pregnant. I was lucky enough to have had a wonderful pregnancy with no complications. I have loved the ultrasound visits, hearing his heartbeat at every doctors appointment, feeling him kick, and his little baby hiccups. I will miss being pregnant, it has been so much more then I could have ever dreamed. I know that tomorrow when I see his face, and hear his first cry I will quickly forget how sad I am to be done with this pregnancy. I look forward to what motherhood has to offer and know it is going to be one hell of a ride! But for tonight I am just enjoying every moment I have with him, before I have to share him with the world.

Got our proofs back- 38wks 2 days

We celebrated our anniversary by getting maternity pictures taken, It has been a long two weeks waiting for the proofs to be ready. I am so glad to have them to look back on. In a few short days I am going to be holding my little boy in my arms and probably missing feeling him move around inside me. It will be nice to have these pictures to look back on and to remember how blessed I am, and how much I enjoyed my pregnancy.

It's July!! 38 weeks

Today is the first day of July!

That means that as of today we have six days before we meet our amazing little boy. The little boy that I have hoped and dreamed for way before he was even conceived. It has been a long nine months, but as a friend put it I have been waiting much longer then nine months to meet this little boy. Truer words have not been spoken.

I am so done being pregnant, I am tired, and achy, and just ready to pop this kid out! That's what every pregnant women says at the end right? Well I must be missing something, because I am truly going to miss every moment of being pregnant. I am going to miss the excitement, the wonder, hearing his heart beat on the doppler at every dr appt, feeling him move, feeling his little baby hiccups, seeing him on the u/s. I am going to miss it all!

But guess what it six short days I am going to get to hold him, look into his eyes, see what he finally looks like, smell his sweet baby smell, hear his little baby cries, feel his soft baby skin. Six days from now I am going to be a mommy. So as much as I will miss having him all to myself, and miss having him inside me, I am going to have this miracle looking up at me loving me because I am all he has none for the last 9 months. In the big picture the last 9 months are just a small blip on the radar, we have an entire lifetime of great moments to look forward to.

I know there is no way to prepare for the emotions I am going to feel when I see him for the first time. But I already love him so much I feel like I could burst, it gets better then this?

Celebrating six years- 36wks 1 day

Today is our sixth wedding anniversary.

I would love to say the time has flown, and it's been such a wonderful six years but that would be a lie. It's been a long hard six years, but today as I look back I'm not sure I would change a single thing.

I have learned a lot about myself, I am so much stronger then I ever thought I could be. If four years ago when we started trying to have a baby you had told me what I would have to go through to get there, I would have thought no way....I can't do that. But with every m/c, with every dr appt, with every failed cycle I got a little stronger.

Not only did I get stronger but our relationship has too. It took some big blows over the last few years and I will be honest there were days I thought we wouldn't survive it. But we have and it has brought us closer.

I also think we learned a lot about each other through the process, I learned that even in my darkest moments when I felt like there was no hope, that I was all alone in this, I was actually never alone. Not for one single moment, I always had a rock standing right next to me begging to be leaned on. Did I always lean on him? No, there were plenty of times that I tried like hell to push that rock away from me, but guess what he never budged!

We both did a lot of growing up in the last six years, what choice did we have? We were faced with things we never thought we would have to deal with. We learned that the world is not all puppy dogs, and rainbows. We learned that sometimes you have to work for what you want, truly work for it. Something neither of us ever had to do, both being only children. We became a lot less selfish along the way also.

All things we needed to learn before we could bring a baby into this world. Before we could be the amazing parents we're about to be. Funny how things work huh?

I love this man more today then the day I said "I do", he is the man I was meant to travel down this road with. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Happy Anniversary Babe!

Let the sleeping late begin - 35wks 4 days

Ahhh, no more work!!!

I am free at last, first thing on the agenda SLEEP! I have been so tired lately I am looking forward to not having to be up at 6am every morning =) I do have a long list of things I have to do in the next few weeks, but for today they can wait I am going to just relax and enjoy my first day off.