It's finally over!

I had one of the other dr's today and he did an ultrasound, he thinks he might seem something, but it is not clear. Either way I was 6 weeks yesterday and both the dr's said they they should be able to see a fetus by now. So finally this is not a viable pg! I thought I was ready to hear those words, but as I sat in the room waiting for the dr to come in I lost it, knowing what was about to happen. When the ultrasound was over and told me I would be having a d&c on Friday I couldn't control the tears. I looked up at the screen, the empty screen, and wondered will I ever get to see a baby on that screen? Will I ever lay here and see a heartbeat, get to be excited, and think wow this is finally it we're having a baby. I am tired of fighting, I want this to be over, it just doesn't seem fair that anyone has to go through this much to have a baby. It was harder because I was alone, my husband had to work and couldn't come with me. Neither the dr or the nurse said anything, I'm sorry, or I know how hard this is, nothing not a word. I got to the car and just bawled!! I never thought I would be able to say I had 5 miscarriages! I hate that I can say that!