I have made it 7 days, but I don't know if I can make it the next 2! Not knowing is the hardest part of this whole process. I have been trying to stay busy and not think about it but being on bed rest, and stuck at home for the week makes this pretty hard to do. I have analyzed every twinge, cramp, and anything else that could potentially be coughed up as a pg symptom. Going back to work today made things a little easier, but I still thought about it a lot. As it gets closer I get more sick at the thought of that call.
I have tried to be really optimistic, our problem was the inversion. So if we correct the inversion the rest should be cake right? I would love to be able to say, well I have not had any implantation problems in the past, so it shouldn't be a problem now. Which means how can this not work, we have chosen two inversion free embies, and we have five pg to prove we don't have issues with implantation. But, what if? What if this is the cycle that they don't implant? What if the embryos were not strong enough to implant? What if we were able to transfer two embryos that did not have the inversion, but had another problem causing them to die? I have been driving myself crazy with these questions all week.
I keep reminding myself that I have been through the worst of it, I have had five m/c's, I know what to expect as far as the worst is concerned. I never thought I would make it through a second m/c after the first, but here I am still standing after five. So as much as I don't want that to happen again, I can take some comfort in knowing that I WILL SURVIVE! Only this time is different, this is it for us. We will not be able to do another PGD cycle, not anytime soon. So we have a lot riding on this cycle, and that's what makes this the hardest!
I wish that even if they call with a positive result on Wednesday, I still have to hope that my number is high enough, and then I have to go back on Friday and hope my number doubles nicely. The worst will not be over Wednesday, we still have to hope that even if I get pg, I stay pg!
ok, so I have to get through tomorrow, and then have to walk into that building Wednesday morning, get my blood drawn, and wait for them to call me. The thought of my phone ringing, and having to answer, having to listen for the results makes me nauseous. Its going to be a long two days!
I want these babies, I want it to be our turn. I feel like we have payed our dues! Please let this be it for us, PLEASE!!
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