Options

We have some options that we can now look into, sperm donor, embryo adoption, domestic adoption, and international adoption.

Before we went into this cycle I talked to my DH about using a sperm donor if this didnt not work. We have not sat down and had a serious conversation about it yet, DH likes to take one thing at a time. I am not the most positive thinker, so he tries to be hopeful for both of us. The little that we have talked about it he has expressed that he is not super thrilled with the idea. I'm not sure I can blame him, as much as it upsets me. I think he would have a hard time knowing that it was biologically mine but not his. I tried to explain that a father is not just sperm, he is going to be their daddy no matter what. I don't know I think men have these animalistic thoughts about being able to spread their seed. Ugh, MEN!! I don't want him to do anything he doesn't want to do. I would hate for him to do this for me, and wind up resenting me or the baby because this is not something he wanted. I am not in the situation, but I would like to think that if it was my eggs that were preventing us from getting pg I would be ok with an egg donor. But I would also have the benefit of being able to carry that child for 9 months, and bond with them, he would not have that advantage.

So onto embryo adoption, I don't really know much about adopting an embryo, and have to find out more about that. But I have to admit of all the options this seems like the best fit for us. My DH would be able to accept it better because it would be neither of ours, but I would still get to carry it, give birth, nurse all of the things I would do if it was ours. The problem is that will embryo adoption we risk the chance that it may not work. What if it doesn't implant, or what if the reason for our m/c's is not the inversion but is something to due with me and I m/c the embryo. I am not sure we want to spend that kind of money for more heart break. I also think that embryo adoption is fairly new, therefore I would have to find a reputable agency that deals with this. I also don't know how long the wait would be or how many are available.

Domestic adoption is ideally my first choice if we have to adopt. But I know that the wait is long for a healthy white newborn. This is not the 1950's where young pg girls were sent off to have their babies and the babies were easily adopted. I believe domestic adoption is more expensive then international, as well has longer and more difficult of a journey. I don't know a lot about adoption and will have to start researching this.

International adoption seems like it would be complicated, which country do we adopt from. I believe you have to go to the country more then once before the child is released and able to come home to the USA. Not to mention the children are usually older, I know maybe I am being selfish, but I really want a newborn baby. I want to have them from day one. I also worry about the transition for them, the are taken from everything they know to place where no one speaks their language. That has got to make for a long hard transition.

Foster adoption this seems fairly easy, I think that there is a big demand for foster parents and would probably be placed quickly. If I already had children of my own I would be all over this, because I would love to help children that have come from bad situations. But, I could not foster a child, fall in love with them, be their mom for all intensive purposes, just to have to give them back when their parents decide to get their act together. Also you risk the chance of getting a very difficult child, and I could never ask for them to be removed from the home, It breaks my heart that these children are shuffled from one home to the next.

So these are our options, I don't know much about any of them and really have to do some serious research before we can make any decisions. I think it is time that I start talking to other people about our options and get some advice from people that may have been down this road before. I will be visiting websites, messages boards, and we know a few people in RL that have adopted. None of these options are easy or are going to but a baby on my arms tomorrow, but it is where our road has lead us.