I HATE MONDAYS!

This is what this Monday had to offer me.....I have a very close co-worker who is like a second mom to me. She has been there while I planned my wedding, through the tough times with my husband, and now through IF. She listens, lets me cries, lets me know when I'm being hormonal, and puts me in my place when I need it. I felt like she understood where I was coming from since she lost twins at 6 months. This is going back 30yrs when they couldn't save them. I could see and hear the pain she still feels when she talks about them 30 yrs later. She did go on to have a daughter and a son. She actually made a promise to Mother Mary that if she blessed her with a child she would name it after her, hence her daughter Mary. Like I said we have been very close and I attended her daughters wedding 3 yrs ago, I had just gotten my first BFP a few weeks before that and can remember dancing at the wedding and she asked, how do you feel? Wonderful I answered! The next day I started to bleed and lost the pg two week later. We talked about Mary having a baby, but it was always no she's not ready yet. I was relieved by this and felt like I didn't have to race against the clock hoping to get pg before her so I didn't have to deal with the painful announcement. But I was also anxious knowing that one day it was going to happen. Last October she told be they were going to start trying, right away my stomach dropped and I panicked knowing the reality of the situation. At this time I talked to her and told her that as hard as it might be for me to hear or for her to tell me she had to tell me when it happened. I also told her that I am going to be so happy for her, but so sad for me. She understood and we both actually cried at the thought of that day. OK, so for the past two weeks I have had a gut feeling that Mary was pg. I had not evidence and nothing to go off of but something told me it was about to happen. I ignored it for a week or so, but Monday I couldn't take it anymore, I couldn't take waiting for the bomb to drop. I asked another a co-worker who is actually her BFF. She nearly dropped her water and said, uh uh uh, yeah she is. I lost it right there. She then said that Kathy had been wrestling with how to tell me and was having an equally hard time with this (doubtful). I then went out and to Kathy and said I need to talk, of course I was crying and she was franticly asking whats wrong?! I finally got the words out, I know. She started crying and we hugged. I felt relieved the anxiety of this day coming was gone, but I was devastated at the same time, surprisingly not because her daughter was pg but because I felt like I just lost a friend, my second mom. She was my safe friend she knew how it felt to lose a pg, and she was not going to announce she was pg anytime soon lol she's almost 60! But now I feel like I can't talk to her anymore, I feel like she won't understand anymore. My husband says to give it time and things will get less weird, but I'm afraid they might not. What if they don't? I was prepared to be devastated over the pg news but never thought I would feel like this. I couldn't go to work on Tuesday just to much to deal with, but then today if was like we both avoided each other. I'm so sad to have lost yet another friend to IF. She said one thing that really struck me and she was so right, I said Kathy its just so hard, she said I know, I can only imagine its so hard for me, I don't want to hurt you I love you, but at the end of the day I still get to be a grandma. I wasn't mad, but I was thinking and I felt bad that it was hard for her to tell me, but she was right she can be relieved that it was out and now just get to be excited. GOD I HATE THIS!!!! I want her to be happy but when is it going to be my turn? When do I get to be happy?