We finally spoke with our new RE and we are going to move forward with IVF, and FISH in PGD. I could try to explain it, but I'm not really sure I understand it all. I have never been so happy to have married a micro-biologist as I was today! My husband was taking notes, asking questions and understood it all! The dr. has some concerns cause he feels like it is unlikely that the inversion would have caused all of our m/c's. He used the flipping a coin analogy, its unlikely that we would flip a heads every time, of course he doesn't know how bad our luck is! This of course has me concerned because if this is not the answer then what is it? We are investing a lot of money into this and if this is not the answer where do we go from here? But we have to take this one step at a time, so I'm just happy to finally have some answers and to be back in the game again! I feel like one big science project! He is intrigued but said there are currently no clinical studies at this time. So now I wait for AF, its looking like march/april. God I hope this is it!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Preimplantation_genetic_diagnosis
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Falling Apart
Falling Apart
We don't always have to be strong
Sometimes our strength is expressed in being vulnerable
Sometimes we need to fall apart to regroup and stay on track
We all have days when we cannot push any harder,
cannot hold back self-doubt, cannot stop focusing on fear, cannot be strong.
There are days when we cannot focus on being responsible
Sometimes we cry in front of people
We expose our tiredness, irritability, or anger.
Those days are okay.
Part of taking care of ourselves means we give ourselves permission to "fall apart" when we need to.
We do not need to be perpetual towers of strength
WE ARE STRONG, we have proven that.
Our strength will continue if we allow ourselves the courage to feel scared, weak and vulnerable when we need to experience those feelings.
Today, help me to know that it is okay to allow myself to be human.
Help me not to feel guilty or punish myself when I need to " fall apart".
~Uknown
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Waiting Waiting Waiting!!!
I HATE WAITING!!!
Let me Back up for a minute, we were suppose to have a phone consult with the dr on Monday morning. Well we waited, and waited and waited....NOTHING!!!! We tried calling but kept getting the answering service. It is so annoying to me that at 7:30 in the morning they still have their answering service answering the phones! I guess this is the one thing that our old dr had to offer, I always knew when I could call and actually talk to a receptionist, I could ask to talk to an available nurse, and if there were none available I would leave a message and get a call back that day! Crazy HUH?!?
So I finally get a voice mail from a nurse once I am at work, she says I don't know if Dr. Scott called you if he didn't you can call to reschedule, he doesn't have all the info he needs to counsel you.
I call back on my lunch and SHOCKER I am unable to reach anyone. I left a message, and guess what? I did not get a call back all day!!!
Well at this point I decided that being nice and patient was going to get me no where, the squeaky wheel always gets the oil. So I called back the next day, this time I call my nurse. Again, no answer so I leave yet another message. In this message I make it clear that we are anxiously awaiting a call back and we are very eager to get this cycle started! Well again I do not get a call back...HELLO?! Do we even exist for petes sake?!?!
Whats one to do? How about call back the next day! I was going to call every chance I got until I heard something! So I finally get someone on the phone, and she says me and Maryellen (my nurse) were just talking about you and flagging stuff in your file. Ironic isn't it? Maybe its because I caught her off guard when she answered the phone. She asked if I could reschedule for today at 1pm, I said if that was the only time slot available we would make it work. She explained that the dr still needs more info before he can talk with us.
Ok, so now I am waiting....Again!!!
Well, I get a voice mail while I'm at work, that there is a hang up with the lab and the info the dr needs before he will meet with us. Maryellen is stalking the lab and I will be holding appts for you every few days until we get the info we need.
Wonderful!
I'm tired of waiting, really tired of waiting!! Its been 3 yrs of waiting, haven't I put my time in yet? Haven't I paid my dues? I was feeling so positive that this was our year, but with every day that passes I am losing more hope. If I don't start cycling soon we will not be ready to do this by March. I'm sure you guys can do the math, but in case your missing the obvious if I don't get pregnant my March then we are out for 2009!
I tired! I'm worn out! I don't want to do this anymore! I want to have our baby, I want to be pregnant, I want it so bad I can feel it. I can see the decorated nursery, and the pg belly which, oh by the way thanks to IF and depression, will not be a cute pg belly anymore.
SO for now we sit and wait, we can do nothing more then just sit and wait!
Let me Back up for a minute, we were suppose to have a phone consult with the dr on Monday morning. Well we waited, and waited and waited....NOTHING!!!! We tried calling but kept getting the answering service. It is so annoying to me that at 7:30 in the morning they still have their answering service answering the phones! I guess this is the one thing that our old dr had to offer, I always knew when I could call and actually talk to a receptionist, I could ask to talk to an available nurse, and if there were none available I would leave a message and get a call back that day! Crazy HUH?!?
So I finally get a voice mail from a nurse once I am at work, she says I don't know if Dr. Scott called you if he didn't you can call to reschedule, he doesn't have all the info he needs to counsel you.
I call back on my lunch and SHOCKER I am unable to reach anyone. I left a message, and guess what? I did not get a call back all day!!!
Well at this point I decided that being nice and patient was going to get me no where, the squeaky wheel always gets the oil. So I called back the next day, this time I call my nurse. Again, no answer so I leave yet another message. In this message I make it clear that we are anxiously awaiting a call back and we are very eager to get this cycle started! Well again I do not get a call back...HELLO?! Do we even exist for petes sake?!?!
Whats one to do? How about call back the next day! I was going to call every chance I got until I heard something! So I finally get someone on the phone, and she says me and Maryellen (my nurse) were just talking about you and flagging stuff in your file. Ironic isn't it? Maybe its because I caught her off guard when she answered the phone. She asked if I could reschedule for today at 1pm, I said if that was the only time slot available we would make it work. She explained that the dr still needs more info before he can talk with us.
Ok, so now I am waiting....Again!!!
Well, I get a voice mail while I'm at work, that there is a hang up with the lab and the info the dr needs before he will meet with us. Maryellen is stalking the lab and I will be holding appts for you every few days until we get the info we need.
Wonderful!
I'm tired of waiting, really tired of waiting!! Its been 3 yrs of waiting, haven't I put my time in yet? Haven't I paid my dues? I was feeling so positive that this was our year, but with every day that passes I am losing more hope. If I don't start cycling soon we will not be ready to do this by March. I'm sure you guys can do the math, but in case your missing the obvious if I don't get pregnant my March then we are out for 2009!
I tired! I'm worn out! I don't want to do this anymore! I want to have our baby, I want to be pregnant, I want it so bad I can feel it. I can see the decorated nursery, and the pg belly which, oh by the way thanks to IF and depression, will not be a cute pg belly anymore.
SO for now we sit and wait, we can do nothing more then just sit and wait!
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Losing my cool!
Ok, so I have had the chance to enjoy this break. I got to enjoy the holidays without shots, and dr appts, and blood work. I felt like the old me again, able to breathe and enjoy the littlest things. That doesn't mean that I haven't thought about IF or been reminded of it daily, just means I enjoyed this break even if it set me back a few months.
I have been feeling really positive, feeling like 2009 is going to be our year! We are with a new RE and I am confident he will get the job done. I am not super thrilled with their communication with us but I'll get over it. Last time we met with the RE he left it that he was going to consult with another dr and get back to us. Well we never heard back. I finally called and they set up a phone conference for this Monday.
So as positive as I was feeling a week ago, I am now totally freaking out!! What if when we talk with the RE he tells us they will not be able to do the testing? What if this is not our year? I'm not use to getting good news and I learned a long time ago not to get my hopes up or be to optimistic, cause you never know what lies around the corner.
I have been feeling really positive, feeling like 2009 is going to be our year! We are with a new RE and I am confident he will get the job done. I am not super thrilled with their communication with us but I'll get over it. Last time we met with the RE he left it that he was going to consult with another dr and get back to us. Well we never heard back. I finally called and they set up a phone conference for this Monday.
So as positive as I was feeling a week ago, I am now totally freaking out!! What if when we talk with the RE he tells us they will not be able to do the testing? What if this is not our year? I'm not use to getting good news and I learned a long time ago not to get my hopes up or be to optimistic, cause you never know what lies around the corner.
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