“When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength.”

After all these years, hearing the dreaded words, "I'm pregnant" is like getting punched in the gut every time. It never seems to matter how you hear them, whether through a text, a Face Book status, a phone call, through a friend, or through an email. The out come is always the same. They have what I want. The one thing I am working so hard for came so easily for them. Please don't get me wrong I would never wish IF on anyone, but do I have to resent everyone of my fertile friends because they can do the most natural thing in the world?

Saturday I received an email from a friend/co-worker telling me that she was pregnant. She did her research and talked to girls in IF message boards to find out just how she should tell me. I have responded to 100 of these posts over the years. The advice is always the same, send an email. It allows your friend the chance to grieve, to be upset, to cry, scream, punch something without you seeing her pain. There is nothing like getting punched in the gut and having to smile and say, "Congrats, I'm so happy for you!" It meant a lot that she took me into consideration and cared enough to do her homework. Did it hurt any less? Nope! And for the first time someone did it right, she did exactly what we always tell them to do, but it hurt all the same. Did it allow me time to be upset, without having to face her? Yes, I spent the weekend crying, getting myself prepared to face her today. As hard as it was to walk into work today I did it, I held my head high pushed the pain aside and made it through the day!

Throughout this wonderful journey of IF many people have told me how strong I am. How they could never do what I do, never go through what I have gone through. But until you have been faced with a challenge you just don't know how strong you are. When you want something so badly, somehow some way you find the strength. Some days I don't want to get out of bed, facing the world is just to much to handle, but every day that I get out of bed, get in the shower, and face the world I know I am strong. Today when I walked in that building and faced her, talked to her, I was strong. I surprise myself how strong I am everyday. If nothing else I have learned that I am strong that what doesn't kill me makes me stronger!