Follow up consult

Today we had our follow up consult. It was hard sitting in the office again, I was looking around at all the women that were there for their ET's and I was jealous of the. I was jealous that they were sitting there with so much hope, while I sat here with none.

I was prepared to hear them tell us what I already knew, the embryos just weren't strong enough, and when you biopsy them for the PGD you weaken them even more, therefore they just weren't strong enough to implant. What I wasn't prepared to hear them tell us was that the egg quality was poor. I had to hold back the tears as he talked about how because of my age they have high expectations for my egg quality, and how it was not where they would like to see it. He talked about how even though the egg quality was poor this cycle doesn't mean that it will be next cycle. Since this is the first cycle with them they don't have anything to compare it to. They are unable to say if my eggs have always been poor. He did say that if we chose to do another fresh cycle they would treat me differently and try to improve the quality. All I could think was great one more thing to add to the list, will it ever end?? I just think we have to many strikes against us at this point. I don't think it is possible for us to have a biological child together.

I told the Dr. that at this point we are strapped finacially and unable to do another cycle with PGD. He told us that they are making so many improvements on PGD testing that he wouldn't reccomend doing it right now anyway.

We talked about the embryo that did make it to freeze, he told us that he would ideally like to transfer 2 embryos but the embryo is of poor quality and we have about a 10% chance of getting pg. He reminded us how much easier a FET cycle is on my body, and if I could do an FET cycle every time I so would! After getting OHSS the last two times I did a fresh cycle, I am in no hurry to start another. So I we will be doing the FET cycle with our last embryo in the fall.

I asked about embryo donation, and he did say that they have a list. There are about 10-15 people on the list and they can put us on the list now then we can decide when the time comes. I don't know a lot about it and need to get more info, but I am so ready to move to the next step. I use to want to have OUR baby, and I still do, but more then that I want to have A baby! My husband wants to take it one step at a time, and is not ready to think that far ahead. But I don't work that way I need to know what is next. I feel like we are at the end of the road and that makes me feel hopeless. Knowing that we still have options gives me hope!

So the plan for now is to take some time off, regroup, go on vacation, and then in the fall we will start our FET cycle. We cross our fingers and hope for the best. Then if if doesn't work I will try to get more info about the embryo donation. We will wait it out and hope it goes quickly, we will also keep saving for another PGD cycle. We are not giving up yet just thinking about other options!