Last Thursday I started getting this soreness in my coccyx, mostly when I was sitting. Over the weekend as I was getting ready for the Memorial Day bbq we were going to have with some friends the pain got progressively worse.
By Sunday I had a fever, and was in to much pain to move. Unable to sit, or lay I thought about going to the ER, but my fever finally broke and decided to wait it out. The pain had never gotten this bad in the past, and had always passed after a few days, so I was hopeful that this would pass too. After canceling our bbq and resting all day Monday I was not able to get any relief from the pain.
Tuesday I was able to get into work for a few hours and then got an appt with the Dr. She gave me a RX for an u/s but the earliest I could get it was Wednesday. Knowing I was in to much pain for that, I had my dad take me to the ER. There they did xrays, gave me an RX for painkillers, and an antibiotic and told me to get the u/s as prescribed by my Dr. Thank God for viccodin, because that was the only thing that got me through the night.
I was able to get an appt for first thing in the morning for the u/s. I cried all the way there because it was so painful to get in the car and drive there. Once there I begged the u/s technician to be gentle since the slightest touch was excrutiating! She was able to find a cyst and sent them over to my Dr. STAT! I waited all day for my Dr to call with the results, with no luck. Finally my Dh called then demanding to talk to her. She finally called back and told me that I had a cyst that was now infected and had become a abcess. She said it would have to be removed, but no one would remove it while it was infected. She suggested going to the ER to have it drained 1 to relieve the pain, and 2 to drain the infection.
Thursday my mom took me back to the ER where they drained it, which by the way was the most painful thing I have ever experienced! I go back to the Dr Monday to get the dressing removed, it is still very sore, and can't wait for it to start to heal. I am really hoping this does not affect my vaction in July. I have soo been looing forward to this vaca, its much needed!
It's been a rough year. I just want a break from all this!
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Follow up consult
Today we had our follow up consult. It was hard sitting in the office again, I was looking around at all the women that were there for their ET's and I was jealous of the. I was jealous that they were sitting there with so much hope, while I sat here with none.
I was prepared to hear them tell us what I already knew, the embryos just weren't strong enough, and when you biopsy them for the PGD you weaken them even more, therefore they just weren't strong enough to implant. What I wasn't prepared to hear them tell us was that the egg quality was poor. I had to hold back the tears as he talked about how because of my age they have high expectations for my egg quality, and how it was not where they would like to see it. He talked about how even though the egg quality was poor this cycle doesn't mean that it will be next cycle. Since this is the first cycle with them they don't have anything to compare it to. They are unable to say if my eggs have always been poor. He did say that if we chose to do another fresh cycle they would treat me differently and try to improve the quality. All I could think was great one more thing to add to the list, will it ever end?? I just think we have to many strikes against us at this point. I don't think it is possible for us to have a biological child together.
I told the Dr. that at this point we are strapped finacially and unable to do another cycle with PGD. He told us that they are making so many improvements on PGD testing that he wouldn't reccomend doing it right now anyway.
We talked about the embryo that did make it to freeze, he told us that he would ideally like to transfer 2 embryos but the embryo is of poor quality and we have about a 10% chance of getting pg. He reminded us how much easier a FET cycle is on my body, and if I could do an FET cycle every time I so would! After getting OHSS the last two times I did a fresh cycle, I am in no hurry to start another. So I we will be doing the FET cycle with our last embryo in the fall.
I asked about embryo donation, and he did say that they have a list. There are about 10-15 people on the list and they can put us on the list now then we can decide when the time comes. I don't know a lot about it and need to get more info, but I am so ready to move to the next step. I use to want to have OUR baby, and I still do, but more then that I want to have A baby! My husband wants to take it one step at a time, and is not ready to think that far ahead. But I don't work that way I need to know what is next. I feel like we are at the end of the road and that makes me feel hopeless. Knowing that we still have options gives me hope!
So the plan for now is to take some time off, regroup, go on vacation, and then in the fall we will start our FET cycle. We cross our fingers and hope for the best. Then if if doesn't work I will try to get more info about the embryo donation. We will wait it out and hope it goes quickly, we will also keep saving for another PGD cycle. We are not giving up yet just thinking about other options!
I was prepared to hear them tell us what I already knew, the embryos just weren't strong enough, and when you biopsy them for the PGD you weaken them even more, therefore they just weren't strong enough to implant. What I wasn't prepared to hear them tell us was that the egg quality was poor. I had to hold back the tears as he talked about how because of my age they have high expectations for my egg quality, and how it was not where they would like to see it. He talked about how even though the egg quality was poor this cycle doesn't mean that it will be next cycle. Since this is the first cycle with them they don't have anything to compare it to. They are unable to say if my eggs have always been poor. He did say that if we chose to do another fresh cycle they would treat me differently and try to improve the quality. All I could think was great one more thing to add to the list, will it ever end?? I just think we have to many strikes against us at this point. I don't think it is possible for us to have a biological child together.
I told the Dr. that at this point we are strapped finacially and unable to do another cycle with PGD. He told us that they are making so many improvements on PGD testing that he wouldn't reccomend doing it right now anyway.
We talked about the embryo that did make it to freeze, he told us that he would ideally like to transfer 2 embryos but the embryo is of poor quality and we have about a 10% chance of getting pg. He reminded us how much easier a FET cycle is on my body, and if I could do an FET cycle every time I so would! After getting OHSS the last two times I did a fresh cycle, I am in no hurry to start another. So I we will be doing the FET cycle with our last embryo in the fall.
I asked about embryo donation, and he did say that they have a list. There are about 10-15 people on the list and they can put us on the list now then we can decide when the time comes. I don't know a lot about it and need to get more info, but I am so ready to move to the next step. I use to want to have OUR baby, and I still do, but more then that I want to have A baby! My husband wants to take it one step at a time, and is not ready to think that far ahead. But I don't work that way I need to know what is next. I feel like we are at the end of the road and that makes me feel hopeless. Knowing that we still have options gives me hope!
So the plan for now is to take some time off, regroup, go on vacation, and then in the fall we will start our FET cycle. We cross our fingers and hope for the best. Then if if doesn't work I will try to get more info about the embryo donation. We will wait it out and hope it goes quickly, we will also keep saving for another PGD cycle. We are not giving up yet just thinking about other options!
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Angel of miracles
I am so glad I participated in the secret angel exchange. I was dreading today so much, especially since my BFN is still so fresh. But when I got that box on Thursday it gave me something to look forward to. I am so bad a surprises and wanted to open it that day, I am glad I was able to resist because it made today a little easier!
Thank you, Jehnm! She did a wonderful job, I got the Angel of Miracles, and it is just so perfect! She also sent me a beautiful card, and a dog toy for my four legged baby. It was so thoughtful of her! I also want to thank Tarahville for organizing this! It was such a great idea!
And a big thank you to all of the wonderful girls on the board that get me through each day, I could not do this without you! It means a lot to know I have people that understand, and care about me. If I could make it a wish it would be that none of us had to go through this at all, or that I would go through it alone if it meant you could all be mothers, but I know I could never wish for a greater group of girls to go through this with! Your strength, courage, and determination inspire me! You are all amazing, and are going to make wonderful mother's one day!
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