Tonight we had my cousin's sweet 16 party, it was this big wedding type event! Do you know what I did for my sweet 16? I had a sleepover with my closest friends, oh how times have changed! I did realize that I am getting old, I looked at these girls wearing these tight little dresses, giggling and being all shy around the boys, and I thought wow that was such a long time ago for me! Oh, to be to 16 again! I would love to go back, but only if I could know what I know now! I'm not going to lie, I was jealous of their care free attitudes, their biggest worry is will that cute boy ask me to dance? It was difficult to look at my baby cousin and realize she is growing into an adult now.
I had to start my stims tonight, of course I was due to take them at 7pm and that is exactly when the party started. I forgot to bring them with me, so I took them when I got home at 11ish, hope that doesn't mess anything up to bad. I don't know what it is, but I am so not into this this cycle. I know how that must sound, but I have been asking myself if I really want to do this? I think I am just nervous, but I do feel really calm. I have no anxiety, no worried, no hope, no stress. Just going into very blah!
Dh pointed out to me that I can't even go to a sweet 16 party and get away from the IF. We had a pg women at the table, and there were 4 young children looking adorable in their party clothes, dancing their little kid dances on the dance floor! I guess it has just become a way of life for me, I'm not going to say that it didn't bother me at all, but I have just come to expect it. I do ask myself every time I see a pg women, if she has any idea how lucky she is. Does she have any clue how blessed she is? Does she know how hard it is for some??
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