Tonight we had my cousin's sweet 16 party, it was this big wedding type event! Do you know what I did for my sweet 16? I had a sleepover with my closest friends, oh how times have changed! I did realize that I am getting old, I looked at these girls wearing these tight little dresses, giggling and being all shy around the boys, and I thought wow that was such a long time ago for me! Oh, to be to 16 again! I would love to go back, but only if I could know what I know now! I'm not going to lie, I was jealous of their care free attitudes, their biggest worry is will that cute boy ask me to dance? It was difficult to look at my baby cousin and realize she is growing into an adult now.
I had to start my stims tonight, of course I was due to take them at 7pm and that is exactly when the party started. I forgot to bring them with me, so I took them when I got home at 11ish, hope that doesn't mess anything up to bad. I don't know what it is, but I am so not into this this cycle. I know how that must sound, but I have been asking myself if I really want to do this? I think I am just nervous, but I do feel really calm. I have no anxiety, no worried, no hope, no stress. Just going into very blah!
Dh pointed out to me that I can't even go to a sweet 16 party and get away from the IF. We had a pg women at the table, and there were 4 young children looking adorable in their party clothes, dancing their little kid dances on the dance floor! I guess it has just become a way of life for me, I'm not going to say that it didn't bother me at all, but I have just come to expect it. I do ask myself every time I see a pg women, if she has any idea how lucky she is. Does she have any clue how blessed she is? Does she know how hard it is for some??
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Off and running!
So we worked everything out with the pharmacy's and RE. I started my Lupron and we have another week to come up with the money for the Follistim. We actually got a letter from the insurance company stating that the lab that will be doing our PGD is not in network therefore we are responsible for 80%. We were under the impression that PGD was not covered at all, and that the entire amount would be out of pocket. So the news that we will be getting back 20% was actually a pleasant surprise. Maybe its a sign of positive things to come!
I'm starting to get really nervous about this cycle, this is really happening. Yes, this is not our first IVF cycle, but we have a lot more invested in this one. I can't help but worry about whether it will work, and we will have put out all this money to be devastated again. I am worried that like the last time they will have to cancel the PGD because our embryos are not strong enough. Or what if they test the embryos and find that all the embryos are affected by the inversion? Or worse, what if we successfully do the PGD, get pg and still have a m/c? At that point we would have done all of this just to be right back where we started. I am terrified that the inversion may not be the cause of our loses. I am also terrified that this cycle will determine if we will ever have a biological child together.
I am going for acupuncture tomorrow, I hope this will help reduce some stress and give me some peace of mind.
I find myself repeating this to myself daily, but I am so done with this. I just want this to be the cycle that makes us parents!
I'm starting to get really nervous about this cycle, this is really happening. Yes, this is not our first IVF cycle, but we have a lot more invested in this one. I can't help but worry about whether it will work, and we will have put out all this money to be devastated again. I am worried that like the last time they will have to cancel the PGD because our embryos are not strong enough. Or what if they test the embryos and find that all the embryos are affected by the inversion? Or worse, what if we successfully do the PGD, get pg and still have a m/c? At that point we would have done all of this just to be right back where we started. I am terrified that the inversion may not be the cause of our loses. I am also terrified that this cycle will determine if we will ever have a biological child together.
I am going for acupuncture tomorrow, I hope this will help reduce some stress and give me some peace of mind.
I find myself repeating this to myself daily, but I am so done with this. I just want this to be the cycle that makes us parents!
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Update
So I got to talk to my nurse yesterday, I asked her to send my RX's to the pharmacy we have have been using all along. We are a member of a discount program there, which will help a little. She also agreed to send in the RX for the LUPRON now cause I need to start that next week. She will also send in the RX for different unit amounts of the Follistim, I can fill the Follistim script later this month when I am due to start it, and only get what I need at a time to cut down the cost.
My DH called and spoke with the insurance company and surprisingly enough there is nothing they can do!! He also called the financial department to find out when we will need to pay for the PGD so we can decide if we have time to recycle the money we do have. They informed him that our payment is due Tuesday!! Wonderful, more good news!!
This morning the pharmacy calls me at work to go over my order, set up delivery and get payment. I ask her how much it came to, are you ready? $10,000!!!!!! WHAT!? HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?! I then asked how much for the meds, without including the Foliistim....$350.00. Ahh, much better I can handle that. After I got off the phone with them I realized what happened, she probably charged me for all the different units of Follistim, when I will only need some of them. Either way I have till the end of the month to figure it out.
So I guess we are set for now, until the next twist pops up!
My DH called and spoke with the insurance company and surprisingly enough there is nothing they can do!! He also called the financial department to find out when we will need to pay for the PGD so we can decide if we have time to recycle the money we do have. They informed him that our payment is due Tuesday!! Wonderful, more good news!!
This morning the pharmacy calls me at work to go over my order, set up delivery and get payment. I ask her how much it came to, are you ready? $10,000!!!!!! WHAT!? HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?! I then asked how much for the meds, without including the Foliistim....$350.00. Ahh, much better I can handle that. After I got off the phone with them I realized what happened, she probably charged me for all the different units of Follistim, when I will only need some of them. Either way I have till the end of the month to figure it out.
So I guess we are set for now, until the next twist pops up!
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
I'm Soooo Over This!
Today I called my pharmacy to order and pay for my medications. I am set to start my Lupron on the 18th. So there I am credit card in my hand, and the women on the phone says..."your co-pay is $4,000" WHAT?! How much! Did insurance pay any of it? I called my insurance company and come to find out that with our new insurance we have to pay upfront and will be reimbursed at 90%.
Ok, I know how lucky we are to have insurance that will even pay 90% but, really where am I going to get $4,000? I know that there are women out there that pay for their entire cycles out of pocket, I don't know they do it and my hat goes off to them! We are fortunate enough to have my parents that have been kind enough to give us some of the money we need for the PGD, that is not covered by insurance at all. But they were not able to give us enough to cover it. So we need to come up with $3,000 by the time of our retrieval on the 4/11.
IF doesn't suck enough, without the stress of financial difficulties? I'm so over this whole thing! I just want to have my baby and look back at this time at the shittiest time in my life, but know it was all worth it to hear the words, "I love you mommy!"
Ok, I know how lucky we are to have insurance that will even pay 90% but, really where am I going to get $4,000? I know that there are women out there that pay for their entire cycles out of pocket, I don't know they do it and my hat goes off to them! We are fortunate enough to have my parents that have been kind enough to give us some of the money we need for the PGD, that is not covered by insurance at all. But they were not able to give us enough to cover it. So we need to come up with $3,000 by the time of our retrieval on the 4/11.
IF doesn't suck enough, without the stress of financial difficulties? I'm so over this whole thing! I just want to have my baby and look back at this time at the shittiest time in my life, but know it was all worth it to hear the words, "I love you mommy!"
Monday, March 2, 2009
She's here....
I am thrilled AF showed her face this morning....but along with her she brought god awful cramps, cravings, and back pain. Oh well all the price I pay!
So as of now here is the schedule for the month....
3/4- 3 day b/w, start bcp's
3/13- saline u/s
3/18- start lupron
3/27- start stimming
4/7-4/11- ER
Five days later ET!!
I am so excited to be starting this cycle, I am hopeful but terrified all at the same time! I am going to have to just take it one day at a time, I feel like I have been through the worst there is 5 times. I can do this!!
Look out IVF#2 HERE WE COME!!!!
So as of now here is the schedule for the month....
3/4- 3 day b/w, start bcp's
3/13- saline u/s
3/18- start lupron
3/27- start stimming
4/7-4/11- ER
Five days later ET!!
I am so excited to be starting this cycle, I am hopeful but terrified all at the same time! I am going to have to just take it one day at a time, I feel like I have been through the worst there is 5 times. I can do this!!
Look out IVF#2 HERE WE COME!!!!
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