Happy Birthday to me!

For the last few years I have wished for the same thing when I blew out my birthday candles. This year my wish came true so now what do I wish for?

Slow down!

I can't even stomach the thought that in five short weeks I have to leave my little man to go back to work. I am going to soak up every minute I have with him and hope that the next five weeks go by very slowly!

"Who can turn the world on with his smile"

Today I saw the most beautiful thing I have seen since I laid eyes on my beautiful baby boy. I got to see his beautiful smile! I have been waiting not so patiently to see him smile, and yes I have even worried about whether he ever would smile at all. Then today as I was buckling him into his car seat to go to my Dr appt he made eye contact with me and flashed me the biggest smile. It made my heart smile!

How is it possible that something so small can bring so much happiness into my life? This is truly an amazing adventure!

I'm a mommy!

I have carried a child within my body. I have comforted a baby upon my chest. My body is not magazine perfect, but when I look in the mirror I see a mother, and there is no greater honor or blessing.

Growing boy

Jack had his 1 month check up today and he did great! He now weighs 8lbs 12oz and is 21 inches long.

He did get a shot today, and mommy and baby didn't handle that so well. It broke my heart to hear him screaming in pain. I wish I could take the shots for him.

Ahh the joys of mommyhood

Last night Jack slept for 6hrs straight! It would have been amazing to get 6 hours of pure uninterrupted sleep. To bad I was up watching his chest rise and fall all night!

I thought I worried a lot during my pregnancy but oh my how the anxiety has taken over! I worry is he eating enough, is he gaining weight, is he sleeping to much, is he getting enough tummy time, are we interacting enough with him. The list goes on and on!

All this worrying is exhausting!

Happy 1 month Baby boy!

How is it possible that my baby is a whole month old already?? Time is flying by, the last few weeks all seem like a blur. Can someone please figure out how to slow down time.

Jack is doing really well with his sleep schedule. He usually goes down for the night around midnight and then will sleep until 4am. After he is fed he will go back down until 7am. Through out the day he is sleeping 8-10 hours. He is still loving his sleep which is a good thing because so is his mommy!

He also has has his feeding schedule down like clockwork. He is eating every 2 hours on the dot!

He is more alert these days and is starting to hold his head up. We are trying to increase his tummy time to strengthen his neck muscles, but a certain someone is not found of this!

Weight check

Yay, we did it!!

I am so proud of us! We increased the nursing to more frequently and longer sessions, which I will add neither mommy or baby were happy about, but it worked.

Today little man weighted 7lbs 9.3oz!

First pediatrician visit

Today we went for our first check up. My biggest fear came true....he is not gaining enough weight. Two weeks later and he is still not back up to his birth weight. He weighted in at 7lbs 6oz. We are going to increase our nursing sessions, and feed every 2hrs for 30-40mins on each side, then go back on Monday for a weight check. I am so hoping that we are able to get to where we need to be without having to supplement with formula.

Off to go wake the little guy up and get him nursing, time to chunk up little man!

Bath time

Today my baby boy is 2 weeks old! He celebrated by losing his umbilical cord and getting his first bath. He was not a fan of the bath at all. He cried the entire time. Who would have thought that someone who has spent the last 9 months under water would hate it so much!


The crying carried on even out of the tub!


After his 1st baby massage his tune changed a bit. Now that wasn't so bad was it?


Phew! Glad that is over, how often do we have to do this?

Well this isn't fun

Last night I had a slight fever, but I felt fine. I had mild soreness in my abdomen but I thought it was just my uterine muscles starting to heal. Well this morning I woke up this the worst gas pain I have ever felt! I was not sure what was going on since I didn't have that much gas while in the hospital. I took some gas x but it didn't seem to help. It really started to become unbearable. It almost felt as if I was having contractions. It hurt to sit, walk, and even lay down. This of course makes nursing Jack a very difficult task. I finally put a call into the doctor and they wanted to see me right away. After an ultrasound, and a doctor exam it turns out I have a uterine infection.

I have experienced a lot of pain in the last few years, between ER's, OHSS, and a c-section. This was by far the worst pain. I feel much better now that I am home and have a rx for pain killers but I am feeling guilty that I am not being a good mommy to Jack right now. I am hoping the antibiotics kick this infections ass fast so I can get back to my baby asap!

Happy 1 week little man!

Crazy how fast this week has gone! We got blessed with the best baby ever! He only cries when he is hungry or when we are fussing with him, like changing his diaper or getting him dressed. He is eating every 3-4 hours which gives me a good amount of sleep, but I am still exhausted. We are settling into a routine and the I think we finally are getting the hang of this breastfeeding stuff. This has been an amazing week, but I hope the next 13 weeks don't go this fast!

Welcome home baby boy-5 days old

At 11am this morning we got the ok from both my Dr and the pediatrician that we could be released. I was both excited and nervous to get home. Dh started to bring my bags to the car, I am embarrassed to admit it took him three trips lol. He warned me that the temperature outside was at a all time high of 100 + degrees. I couldn't believe I was about to go from our freezing hospital room that was stuck at 65 degrees to 100+ degree weather outside. I had packed a long sleeve shirt and pants outfit for Jack to go home in. I wondered if I should still dress him in it, but decided that he needed to be on the warmer side and the car was going to be air conditioned. So I began to dress him. This outfit that I had bought him before he was born seemed so small then. Now as I put it on my tiny peanut it was huge on him! So big that I could not keep the pants on him. He looked so silly in this over sized shirt and no pants but I had no back up so off we went!

Dh went to get the car and they wheeled me down to the front lobby. I saw him in the lobby holding Jack's car seat and with that the nurse helped me up from the wheelchair and was on her way. Just like that we were on our own. I have to be honest it was pretty freaking scary. Am I ready for this? Can we do this without the nurses? We began trying to get Jack into his car seat, it never really dawned on me to play around with the car seat before we went to the hospital. So there we stood outside the hospital trying to figure out how this thing works. Once we had him strapped in and in the car his head kept falling forward. This concerned me, Dh went in to ask the receptionist if anyone was available to help us. Turns out once you have checked out you are no longer their problem. So the answer was no. We went to two different police stations for help but of course the officers that do care seat safety were not on duty today. So we very carefully drove home with me holding his head up the whole time. As we pulled up to the house I saw the sign in our front yard announcing the birth of our baby boy. I squealed and said to Dh where did you get it!!! He then told me that he made it, he had been working on it for weeks. Tears began to run down my face as I looked at my house with a sign that my wonderful Dh had built just for our baby. The baby we have dreamed about for so long.

I was so excited to be home and to see my baby girl Bailey. I missed her so much and had so much guilt about bringing a new baby home. I know it's crazy that I was so worried about how my dog would react and worried that bringing him home was going to turn her world upside down but I really was. I cried so hard as I said goodbye to her when we left for the hospital on Wednesday. I knew her life was about to be forever changed. I left the baby in the car with Dh while I went in to see my girl. She was so excited to see me, and then she started sniffing me. I think she could sense something was up. She could smell something about me was different. I told Dh we were ready and he carried him. She was so curious. Looking in the car seat, sniffing him like crazy. She seemed a little scared of him when he moved. Then she began to pass and pant, and kiss him crazily. She was stressed. I know that we have not done all we should have to prepare her for this, and now she is the one paying for it. Dh took her for a walk while I nursed Jack, she seemed just as stressed when she came back and saw he was still here. I am so worried about her. I know she will adjust but it breaks my heart to see her like this.

Overall our first day home went pretty well. I spent most of the day nursing Jack, and catching up on Facebook, email, and the Nest.

I am sitting here looking at him now and still can't believe he is here, that he is mine. I am the happiest I have ever been. Just 5 days ago we became a family, today our house became a home.

Welcome to the world Jack Matthew!

Here is my beautiful baby boy's birth story....I got no sleep last night. I was up all night thinking about what today had in store for me. My night was filled with excitement, fear, and sorrow. I laid in bed feeling my baby boy squirm inside me knowing that we only had a few more hours together before I had to share him with the world. 7am rolled around way to quickly and before I knew it we were on our way to the hospital. We needed to be there for 8am. I cried the entire way to the hospital, I think it was a mix of the hormones and the fear of the unknown. I was terrified of being cut open, terrified something would go wrong, and still very sad that my pregnancy was coming to an end. It was so bittersweet, I was excited to become a mother and hold my son in my arms but I was still very sad that my pregnancy had come to end. I was terrified to feel that emptiness that I felt for 4yrs while trying to have this little miracle baby. Once we arrived at the hospital everything seemed to go very quickly. I changed into my beautiful gown and they hooked me up to the monitors, it was nice to get to hear my baby's heartbeat one last time before he entered the world.


At around 10:30 am I was wheeled into the OR. I was so nervous, I was terrified of the spinal I was about to get, and still had all the fears of something going wrong during the surgery. They helped me to the table and asked me to get into the fetal position, bring your legs to your chest and hug them. Well let me tell you when you are 9 months pregnant getting into the fetal position and hugging your legs in next to impossible. A nurse helped me get my legs up that far and helped me arch my back enough for them to insert the spinal. It seemed to take them forever for them to get it in! I couldn't breathe was so uncomfortable and just wanted it to be over with. They had some trouble getting it in and had to keep asking me to tuck in more. Yeah hi can you see I have this huge belly here that is preventing me from tucking anymore!! They finally got it in and I was able to roll over. I felt the spinal take affect and it was the most surreal feeling ever I could see the nurses prepping me but could feel nothing. They finally let Dh in, he came over and sat next to me and took my hand in his. It was all I could do not to lose it when I saw him. They then told me they were going to start.


They didn't want Dh standing so he was watching in a reflection on a glass cabinet door. Now I have watched my fair share of The Baby Story and it always seemed like they started the surgery and the baby was out within minutes. Well that is not the case it seemed to take FOREVER! I could feel the pressure, and then they began jostling me around. Dh looked at me like are you ok? I was being moved so much, I of course could feel nothing but thought it was so weird that I was being shaken so much. The Dr then said you have one big baby here. This took me by surprise since he has measured 50% the whole pregnancy and I was expecting a average 8lb baby. And then I heard the most wonderful sound, the sound of his little helpless cry. I started sobbing uncontrollably. They held him up for me to see but it was so quick he was just a blur, I could not believe he was here! My Dh went over to be with the baby while they finished the surgery.


I kept asking if he was ok and Dh kept telling me he was. I then asked him how much he weighted. Dh said I'm not sure I heard them say 11 10. What!? 11lbs 10oz? How is that possible? I heard the Dr say he was a big baby but how they hell was I carrying an 11lb baby and no one knew? Then the Dr corrected him and said 11 1o was the time of birth. We all had a chuckle I was so relieved to hear he was 7lbs 12 oz. I then said to the Dr I thought you said he was big? He then told me with all the trouble they had getting him out they thought he was much bigger. Dh told me that they had to use a vacuum to get him out and the cord was wrapped around his next 3x's! This scared me to death and I then continued to ask is he ok?


Then it happened. The Neonatalogist came over to me and explained that Jack had some fluid in his lungs. He was "grunting". They tried to give him time and were giving him oxygen hoping he would clear it out on his own but no such luck. She informed me that they were taking him to NICU for some observation. She reassured me that this was fairly common for c-section births and that he had such a mild case there was really no reason for me to worry. For some reason I really wasn't worried. It was the strangest thing. I was being told that my baby was being taken to NICU but I wasn't worried. I think I have that Dr to thank for that. She explained it to me so calmly and reassured me so much that I truly felt like I had no reason to be worried. I was of course disappointed that he would not be coming with me to recovery, that I would not be able to nurse him right away, that I would not be able to hold him. It broke my heart that he had just come into this world and his mommy was not going to be able to hold him and comfort him.


They finally brought him over for me to see and hold. I looked him in the eyes and it was like I had known him my entire life. In that moment I became a true believer of love at first sight. I knew nothing about this little person, he was a total stranger to me. Yet I was totally in love with him. I knew in that moment that my life had changed forever. I was now a mother.

last night pregnant- 38wks 5days

I am beyond thrilled that tomorrow I will become a mommy, I have waited a long time for this day. I cannot wait to meet my little boy, I know it is going to be a 1000x's better then I can ever imagine. But I would be lying if I said that I was glad my pregnancy is over. I have loved every minute of being pregnant. I was lucky enough to have had a wonderful pregnancy with no complications. I have loved the ultrasound visits, hearing his heartbeat at every doctors appointment, feeling him kick, and his little baby hiccups. I will miss being pregnant, it has been so much more then I could have ever dreamed. I know that tomorrow when I see his face, and hear his first cry I will quickly forget how sad I am to be done with this pregnancy. I look forward to what motherhood has to offer and know it is going to be one hell of a ride! But for tonight I am just enjoying every moment I have with him, before I have to share him with the world.

Got our proofs back- 38wks 2 days

We celebrated our anniversary by getting maternity pictures taken, It has been a long two weeks waiting for the proofs to be ready. I am so glad to have them to look back on. In a few short days I am going to be holding my little boy in my arms and probably missing feeling him move around inside me. It will be nice to have these pictures to look back on and to remember how blessed I am, and how much I enjoyed my pregnancy.

It's July!! 38 weeks

Today is the first day of July!

That means that as of today we have six days before we meet our amazing little boy. The little boy that I have hoped and dreamed for way before he was even conceived. It has been a long nine months, but as a friend put it I have been waiting much longer then nine months to meet this little boy. Truer words have not been spoken.

I am so done being pregnant, I am tired, and achy, and just ready to pop this kid out! That's what every pregnant women says at the end right? Well I must be missing something, because I am truly going to miss every moment of being pregnant. I am going to miss the excitement, the wonder, hearing his heart beat on the doppler at every dr appt, feeling him move, feeling his little baby hiccups, seeing him on the u/s. I am going to miss it all!

But guess what it six short days I am going to get to hold him, look into his eyes, see what he finally looks like, smell his sweet baby smell, hear his little baby cries, feel his soft baby skin. Six days from now I am going to be a mommy. So as much as I will miss having him all to myself, and miss having him inside me, I am going to have this miracle looking up at me loving me because I am all he has none for the last 9 months. In the big picture the last 9 months are just a small blip on the radar, we have an entire lifetime of great moments to look forward to.

I know there is no way to prepare for the emotions I am going to feel when I see him for the first time. But I already love him so much I feel like I could burst, it gets better then this?

Celebrating six years- 36wks 1 day

Today is our sixth wedding anniversary.

I would love to say the time has flown, and it's been such a wonderful six years but that would be a lie. It's been a long hard six years, but today as I look back I'm not sure I would change a single thing.

I have learned a lot about myself, I am so much stronger then I ever thought I could be. If four years ago when we started trying to have a baby you had told me what I would have to go through to get there, I would have thought no way....I can't do that. But with every m/c, with every dr appt, with every failed cycle I got a little stronger.

Not only did I get stronger but our relationship has too. It took some big blows over the last few years and I will be honest there were days I thought we wouldn't survive it. But we have and it has brought us closer.

I also think we learned a lot about each other through the process, I learned that even in my darkest moments when I felt like there was no hope, that I was all alone in this, I was actually never alone. Not for one single moment, I always had a rock standing right next to me begging to be leaned on. Did I always lean on him? No, there were plenty of times that I tried like hell to push that rock away from me, but guess what he never budged!

We both did a lot of growing up in the last six years, what choice did we have? We were faced with things we never thought we would have to deal with. We learned that the world is not all puppy dogs, and rainbows. We learned that sometimes you have to work for what you want, truly work for it. Something neither of us ever had to do, both being only children. We became a lot less selfish along the way also.

All things we needed to learn before we could bring a baby into this world. Before we could be the amazing parents we're about to be. Funny how things work huh?

I love this man more today then the day I said "I do", he is the man I was meant to travel down this road with. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Happy Anniversary Babe!

Let the sleeping late begin - 35wks 4 days

Ahhh, no more work!!!

I am free at last, first thing on the agenda SLEEP! I have been so tired lately I am looking forward to not having to be up at 6am every morning =) I do have a long list of things I have to do in the next few weeks, but for today they can wait I am going to just relax and enjoy my first day off.

Baby shower! 35wks 3 days

Today was my shower! I had such a great time, it was so great to be surrounded by all of our loved ones. The people who have been there over the years praying for us.

We got a TON of gifts which was just so overwhelming! It took 5 cars to get it all home. As I sit here in my living room I am surrounded by gifts! Looks like I will be spending the next week putting everything away! We got all the big items that we NEEDED and an ton of clothes. They of course were all 0-3 months so we're gonna have a naked baby after 3 months but none the less, he will be one well dressed little guy!

I can't believe we are 3.5 weeks away from him being here. I am so excited to meet him, but also starting to freak out a little too. Well, ready or not here he comes!

Nursery is finished 35 wks 2 days

As of tonight the nursery is officially finished!

We put up the name decal tonight, the bedding is on the crib, all we are waiting for is the baby!

Tomorrow is my shower so hopefully we will be all set and have everything we need to bring the little guy home!

Time is starting to fly, he will be here before we know it!

Last week of work- 34wks 3 days

Five days!! I only have five days of work left WHOO HOO!!!

I know this week is going to go super slow. I am so excited to have a few weeks off before the little guy comes to get stuff done around here. My shower is this Sunday too, which I am so excited about. Having the time off before the little guy gets here will give me time to put everything away and wash some of his clothes.

I can't believe how close we are! I am so excited but soooo scared too! I can't believe I'm gonna be a mommy =)

The furniture is here- 33wks 3 days

I called yesterday to set up delivery for this weekend, but they told me that they would not be able to deliver this weekend. They said they would be in the area today and could deliver it today, other wise it would have to be delivered in 2wks. I really wanted the furniture here before my shower so I can put things away and have the room semi set up before all the gifts get dumped in that room. Dh was kind enough to stay home and wait for the delivery, I really had to twist his arm on this one.

I was so excited I had to come home on my lunch to see it. I love it! The color is a little darker then I was expecting but I am still very happy with it. I raced home after work and washed the bedding, I was so excited to put it all together! I think it is definitely something he will grow into and hopefully be his furniture till he leaves us :'o(



I sat in the rocking chair last night looking at the beautifully painted walls, imaging where I wanted the furniture, and I welled up with tears. I never thought I would be here. I never thought there would be a crib in my house. I am so blessed and so thankful for this wonderful gift we have been given.

Daddy is painting- 33wks 1 day

I came home from work today to find my wonderful Dh painting the nursery! I love the color and am so excited that the room is starting to come together. He even installed the ceiling light and dimmer switch.

I never thought we would be here. For the last 4yrs I have kept that door closed, not knowing if it would ever be the nursery that I imagined. I would go in there and cry looking at the empty room I so desperately wanted to be our baby's room. I am so thankful for this gift we have been given.

We have a date- 32wks 4 days

We got the call today they scheduled our c0section for 7-7-10! It's crazy to think that in a few weeks he's going to be here. It's crazy to know what his birthday will be. This is all crazy!

I am a little bummed that we have to move forward with the c-section but I wasn't super thrilled about either of the options to be honest lol. I know he has to come out one way or another but I am very worried about the recovery involved with a c-section. I just hope that I am not in to much pain to be able to enjoy him or take care of him. I also worry about being able to see him right away in the operating room. Everyone has assured me I will get to see him and even spend some time with him in recovery which would make me a very happy mama.

The most important thing is that he is healthy and I do what is best for the both of us. I know that I will be so excited to have here in my arms that the pain will not be able to bring me down.

So it looks like I'm going to be a mommy in just about 6 weeks!!

4D u/s-31wks 3d

Well we gave it one last try, and guess what?! Our little guy wouldn't cooperate again! It's ok though we got some pretty good shots of him and it was just fun to get to see him again. I am amazed by how much I love this kid already. I can't believe we are so close to meeting him and having him in our arms. I am scared and excited all at once. I can't believe that I am going to be a mom! I guess after years of trying I began to think I may never be a mom and now here I am weeks away from becoming one.

We got a great shot our the little man with his feet over his head which seems to be his favorite position. We also got to see his adorable chubby cheeks, and the best part was seeing him smile! The umbilical cord tickled his nose and he gave us this precious smile!!

I do think that he definitely has my nose, and may even look like me a little. This of course makes me smile, but shhh don't tell Dh =)

I'm so in love!

4D u/s-30wks 2d

We gave it another try and it's obvious that our little guy does not want us to get a good look at him until the big day! Again he had his feet up over his head and his hands in his face. The tech said he was also nuzzled up in the placenta making it even harder. We did get to see him yawn which was adorable! We did about 20 mins and she told us to come back next week so I guess we'll give it one last try, we're running out of time! I don't mind I love getting to see him, and this will be our third visit so I guess we got our moneys worth.

From what we have seen I think he's pretty darn cute! But to be honest I don't think any 4D picture is going to be good enough for me, I want to see the real deal. I can't wait to stare at his little face for hrs!

Hiccups- 28wks 6 days

Today I felt baby hiccups for the first time =)

I was at the dr's office waiting to be called and I kept feeling a blip, blip, blip... When I got into the office I asked the dr what hiccups felt like. And she told me that was exactly what I was feeling. It was so crazy to feel, they were very faint and I had to concentrate on them to feel them, but it was amazing!

4D u/s-28wks 3d

We went for our second 4D u/s today. I was so excited to get to see my little man again and was hoping he would cooperate and let us get some good shots of him. But he is is father's son and of course made us work for the few good shot we were able to get.

When we got our first look he had his legs up over his head. We weren't able to see his face at all. The Tech had me eat a munchkin, and walk around a bit. It seemed to help a little but he still had his arm in front of his fast the whole time. We were able to get a few semi good shots but even those had the umbilical cord in front of his face. It was still fun to get to see my little guy though. Rather then waste our 45 min session trying to get a good view we decided we would come back another time. The tech said the placenta is behind him, and the fluid is good so it's just a matter of him cooperating!

I think I am going to make the next appt for around 30 wks. That gives him some time to grow a little more, and then we have another 20 min session I might make for around 35 wks.

First Trip to L&D - 28wks 2days

Yesterday I was panicking because I wasn't feeling movement like I usually do. I had to take an early lunch and run home to use the doppler. I felt a little better after hearing his hb but was still very worried about the decrease in movement. I drank some oj and tried to relax. I did start to feel more movement after that which put my mind at ease. He was moving up a storm after dinner and little bit last night.

When I woke up this morning I felt no movement yet again. I ate breakfast, dranks some oj and layed on my left side. When his movement didn't pick up I really started to get nervous. I checked his heartrate on the doppler and again it was fine. This did not make me feel better about his movemement though. I called my Dr and got the oncall Dr. He told me to head to L&D to be monitored. This made me more nervous I was hoping he would say everything was ok, but at the same time I was able to relax knowing they would find anything if there was anything to worry about at the hospital.

They hooked me up to a fetal scope to monitor his heartrate, and another monitor to check for contractions. Heartrate was good and the montior was able to pick up movement, only some of which I was able to feel. They monitored me for about 45 mins and said that everything looked good. The nurse was super nice and told me it's always better to come in if I feel like something is wrong then sit at home and worry. I was a bit embarrassed but I would rather be safe then sorry.

Let's hope my next trip to L&D is in July when this baby is ready to be born!

Got to see the little man-26wks 6 days

We went for our follow up u/s today. This was the one that the Dr sent us in for just to make sure the pain was nothing more then RPL. It was also a growth scan to make sure he is growing big and strong! Judging by the kicks lately he is doing just fine with the strong part. We have a follow up with the Dr on the 26th so I guess she will go over the results of the u/s with us then. Everything looked good as far as I could see. The tech told us he measured in the 50% for both height and weight, which means we have an average baby!

I love getting to see him, I could lay there watching him all night. I can't wait to have in my arms!

Today is a big day-26wks

Today is big day! I have soooo been looking forward to this day, I can't believe that I have made it this far!

We are 26 weeks today!!
26wks is a big day because it means that if God for bid our little guy was to make his entrance into the world early he would be viable. I know this is not the best way to think but throughout this entire pregnancy I have tried to take it day by day, week by week knowing that every week he continues to cook in there we are another week closer to having a healthy baby boy in our arms.

Up until 21 weeks: 0% survival rate

at 22 weeks: 0-10% survival rate

at 23 weeks: 10-35% survival rate

at 24 weeks: 40-70% survival rate

at 25 weeks: 50-80% survival rate

at 26 weeks: 80-90% survival rate

at 27 weeks: greater than 90% survival rate

I can't help but think of all the families out there that have lost their babies after the 26wk mark thinking they were in the clear. I know things happen, it's in God's hands at this point, but that does not help me to not stress and worry that something may happen to our lil guy. But for today I am thankful and blessed to be 26wks pregnant!


Today is also double digits!!
I cannot believe that in 99 days, more or less, we will have what we have been dreaming so long for. I remember when we were planning our wedding looking at our wedding ticker thinking time was moving soooo slow. We were engaged for 2yrs so time was moving slow! But I remember hitting double digits and realizing how big that was. Well, here I am six years later thinking my pregnancy is moving soooo slow. But seeing that ticker today in the double digits makes it feel so much closer.

Let the count down begin!

A year ago today...
our little guy was created! 4-8-09 was my egg retrieval, 41 eggs were retrieved, 32 fertilized 5 days later we recieved the news that and only 3 were unaffected by the inversion. I was disapointed with this number, but had to remain hopeful that the 2 we transferred would be our babies, and that we would then have a sibling for later down the road. After that cycle did not take I was devasted, I remember hearing the Dr tell us that the 3rd embryo was not strong and might not make to freeze. I was ready to throw in the towel, thinking our chance at having a biological child was gone. At our follow appointment the Dr told us that our last little embryo had made it to freeze. We had one last chance! I remember that day thinking it only takes one! In October we decided to give it one last chance before moving on to embryo adoption.

Well here in I am 26wks later feeling that little embryo kicking as I right this.

It only takes one!

Growing pains? 25wks 5 days

Today I called the Dr due to sharp pains I keep having in my lower abdomen. They seem to come and go but take my breathe away each time. I thought maybe they were braxton hicks but I wasn't sure what they feel like. The Dr told me to come in so she could check me out. Once there she did discover that I had a bladder infection. She said that could be causing some of the pain, but most likely it's just round ligament pain (growing pains). She gave me an antibiotic for the infection and a script for an u/s! Of course I am thrilled to have another u/s done, she just wants to be safe and make sure that's all it is. I felt like an alarmest running in there for some RLP, but hey I've never been pg before. I guess it's better to be safe then sorry.

I have the u/s scheduled for next Wednesday, so yay for an extra u/s!

Happy Easter! 25wks 3 days

Happy Easter!

This is the last year that the Easter Bunny will be hopping past our house! I can't wait to add this little guy to our family. He is already so loved and so spoiled!

Hope everyone had a great Easter!

Heartbroken 25 wks 2 days

Today I received news that another Nestie has lost her baby. This only a week after the other. It is totally devastating to hear that these women who have tried so hard to get pg to begin with have now lost their sweet little girls. It seems so unfair, haven't they gone through enough already? I can't even begin to imagine the heartbreak they are feeling right now, I wish there I was something I could do or say but I know nothing but time will heal their hearts.

On a more selfish note I have decided to take a break from the message boards for awhile. My anxiety level is already sky high and hearing this devastating news is just adding to my anxiety. I am so terrified that something will happen to my little man. I have trouble sleeping at night because I worry that something might happen while I am sleeping. I over analyze his every move. If he is lazy and not moving I worry, if he moves to much I worry why is he moving so much? I still use my doppler nightly to make sure his heartbeat is strong. I worry about every lil pain I feel in my lower abdoman. I was so looking forward to V-day, viability day, 26 weeks but after hearing that Lindsay lost her baby today at 28 weeks I feel like I will never be able to take a deep breathe. I know it is not good to stress this much but as much as I try to have faith this little guy is safe and strong I still find myself having mini panick attacks. These next 15 weeks can't go fast enough!

My thoughts and prayers go out to Nina, Lindsey and their families. They are strong women who don't deserve this pain. I know they will find the strength to get through this difficult time and hold their babies one day with their little girls looking down watching over them.

24 weeks

I never thought I would be able to say I am 6 months pregnant! I still lay here and and feel my little man moving around and I am in total aww of the whole thing. It's exciting and scary all at the same time, I never stop worrying, never stop thinking this is all way to good to be true. I know he's not done cooking yet, and this is when I need to be patient more then ever, but I can not wait till I can hold him in my arms, know that he is healthy & safe and see his beautiful face. I want to tell him how much he was wanted, and loved before he was even created.

He is definitely making himself known these days. His movement has picked up although it is still so inconsistent. I really want for Dh to be able to feel him move more, but he is his father's son and is very uncooperative!

I also officially popped. I am of course having a hard time with this. You spend your whole life trying to keep your belly hidden, and then one day you wake up with this huge belly that you just cannot hide! Not to mention everyone wants to point it out and draw attention to it! I always dreamed of having this cute baby belly, not sure why since I have always been a little heavier and had a belly to start with. Well my belly is not cute. I feel fat! I have spent $200 on maternity clothes and I am working on embracing the belly. I do need to take some pictures and will post some soon.

Pretty uneventful these days just counting down the days!

Daddy gets a kick

Tonight daddy got to feel our little guy move for the first time. It was pretty exciting to be able to share that with him. He was surprised by it, but his smile was priceless.

It's all so amazing!

Anatomy scan today-19wks5days

Tonight was our anatomy scan, I love seeing our little guy and never get tired of it!

It was just so amazing to see his little heart beating away, up until tonight it has always been just a flicker on the screen. But to see it up close and knowing that this little tiny baby inside me has this amazing heart beating away was just incredible.

He was not exactly cooperating, he was all tucked in a ball, at one point we got to see him with his feet over his head, he looked like he was folded in half! After changing positions a few times we were able to get what they needed, we got to see his kidneys, stomach, spine, it was all just so crazy. He is a little person now! We also verified that we are indeed having a little boy. It's just so crazy that we knew what he was last April when we did the transfer, but I will take any opportunity I get to make sure the PGD is right!

We had to go to the same place that we had the NT scan, luckily we didn't have to wait 2hrs this time!! Dh wasn't able to leave work early, and the appt was at 3. I was so afraid he was going to miss it so I took my time, the snow/rain helped me get there nice and late for the appt and luckily Dh was able to make it just in time.

I'm not super crazy about the tech, he was the same one as last time. He thinks he's funny when he's not and pretty much ruined all of our u/s pics by writing "hi mommy and daddy" in a word bubble on them all. I was able to photoshop one so it's not to bad, but it still annoys me.

It was great to see our little man again. I just can't wait to meet him!

Had such a nice day-19wks3d

Dh and I decided to go for breakfast and go down to the outlets in Flemington. We got to go to one of our favorite diner's, Skylark diner. It was delish as expected, and I ate way to much!

We headed to the outlets, I had a coupon for Carters and we are finally at a point where we felt comfortable buying stuff for the baby. So we had fun picking out a bunch on stuff for the baby. The hard part was knowing what size to get. Not knowing what size he will be when he is born makes it hard, I know they don't wear newborn sizes very long but I wanted a few things he could wear right away. I got a few of each size so he will have some stuff no matter what size he is. $70 later we had a bag full of goodies for the baby.

Then pregnancy brain kicked in! I reached in to get my credit card and it wasn't in my wallet! I of course paniced, we were able to put it on another card luckily, and when we got home I found my card in the pocket of my other coat. Gotta love these damn hormones!!

I hung the clothes in his closet, I love looking at them hanging there. I still can't believe that is a few short months I am going to have a baby to put into them!

Best Valentine's day ever- 18wks3d

Today is Valentine's day and I not only have my wonderful Dh who I love dearly I have this little boy inside me that I am more in love with then I ever thought possible. I told my Dh that the best gift our little guy could give me would to let me feel his movement. I have been waiting very patiently and know that I should be feeling it within the next few weeks, I just thought today would be a great day to make himself known.

So tonight after we got back from dinner, I laid on the couch and I felt him!! Of course by the time my brain registered that it was him I was feeling it was gone and I did not feel it again. I can't wait till it is more often and stronger, it is such an incredible feeling knowing he is in there moving around and I am finally able to feel it!

Hunt for a new OB - 17wk5d

A friend recommended my current OB, after meeting him the first time we really liked him. We then found out that my Dh's insurance would be changing in March and that this dr would no longer be in network. I was really upset by this because I did really like him, and the thought of having to try to find someone elses I felt comfortable in network was just overwhelming. My Dh did his homework, talked to the insurance guy and were told that since I would be in my 2nd tri come march Oxford would offer transitional care. This means Oxford would cover me as if they were BCBS, all we needed was the dr to fill out the paperwork.

At our next visit my Dh asked thr dr if he would be willing to fill out the paperwork for the tranisitional care and explained the situation. The dr said this was fine and told us to bring in the paperwork at our next visit. Fast forward to Tuesday, we tried to give the dr the paperwork and he said he didn't deal with the insurance and to give it to the girls upfront on the way out. Yeah, well guess what? The girls at the desk says in her nasty tone, "we don't do transitional care, if we are going to do transitional care we mine as well just take Oxford." We explained that the dr said it was fine and she says, "the dr delivers the babies, he has nothing to do with insurance, you should have asked us." I then tell them that we won't be able to stay here then and she tells us to just pay our deductible. Really? Why would I pay out of network costs when I can be covered? Am I happy that I have to change no, but there is no way I am going to pay $500 I don't need to just to stay here and deal with your nasty attitude!

I left there feeling so upset! I am 2 weeks away from getting my antomy scan, which needs to be done under BCBS, and this OB doesn't do them so I have to find a dr to do that as well as a new dr. I have had a lot of people suggest a Dr Gallo so I called them to make an appt, only to find out that it is there policy to not take new patients after they are in their 2nd tri. I also find out this is very common practice due to liability. This of course upsets me more because had the dr told us to talk to the girls about insurance instead of saying yes its fine, I would have found a new dr a month ago and would not have this problem now! So now I have no dr as of March 1st and no idea what I am going to do.

Dh has been great making all sorts of calls trying to find a new dr, but of course this is a holiday weekend and a lot of the offices are closed till Tuesday. Things just never seem to go smoothly for us, I am thrilled to be this far along in this pregnancy but could really have done without this drama right now. I know things will work out, they have to. I just wish I didn't have to deal with this.

I'm not having fun -17wks2d

All I ever wanted was to get pg, and now that I'm here I'm not enjoying it. I know I have no right to complain and I am sooo thankful that I'm here, but IF has ruined all the fun.

We never wanted to know what we were having, but PGD ruined that for us. And because we have known what we are having since the day we got our BFP I have always felt farther along then I actually am. example the rush to register, DH and I just decided we need to wait to register since my shower won't be till after he's born, thanks to IF, probably closer to September.

My mom won't purchase the furniture till he's born and Dh doesn't want to paint till he's born so I can't work on the nursery.

I use my doppler every night to make sure everything is ok, I still spend most days terrified he's going to be taken from me, again thanks to IF. Because of all my worrying time is standing still.

My u/s experiences have been just ok due to crappy techs.

I'm not showing yet thanks to all the weight I gained over the past 4yrs, again because of IF. I'm not feeling movement probably because I'm fat which just causes me to worry more.

God I sound so ungrateful, I'm thrilled to be pg! I just want it to be July and have this little boy in my arms. Everyone keeps saying don't rush it you'll miss it when its over but I'm not enjoying it.

4D u/s-16wks6d

Tonight we went for our 4D u/s. We verified that he is defiantly a boy, and got to see that he's ok. We weren't able to get a lot of good pictures since he is still so tiny. It was suppose to be a 45 min session but we ended it after 20 mins and will use the other 25 mins on our next visit around 26 wks. The tech said we can even do a third visit later in the pg which is pretty cool. I really can't complain, it was good to see my boy. The tech liked to talked A LOT! Therefore didn't really tell us what we were looking at and believe me at points we needed naration. I just can't wait till he's here, I want him in my arms!

We bought our nursery bedding-14wks 6d

We have had a hard time deciding on what theme we wanted to go with in the nursery. I thought I wanted puppies so I sold Dh on it, it wasn't a hard sell by the way. Then I decided I wanted monkeys, Dh was not thrilled with this at all. He's a little freaked out by monkeys lol! So I began my search for something, different, and bright. I finally found it at Pottery Barn Kids and just love it! I went to the store to see if I would like it in person and I really really do. I know I probably shouldn't have bought it this early but I am just so afraid that they will discontinue it before July. My parents are buying us the funiture, but my mom refuses to buy it until after the baby is born. I am very eager to get the room set up, so this puts a damper on things but I understand her reasons and it's probably for the better.

Trip to the ER-13wks 5d

I am little embarrassed to be writing this, hopefully this will be the only time I freak out and rush to the ER.

I had awful back pain yesterday, 10x worse then it has been. I also had some cramping. In honesty it felt like I was getting my period. I just didn't feel right all day. I came home on my lunch to check the hb and everything was perfect. I had an OB appt today so just figured I would talk to him about not feeling good today. Well before I went to bed I decided to check the hb again. In the past I have had 0 trouble finding it, it's always in the same spot. well after 1/2hr of trying to find it I freaked out and scared Dh enough for him to say we need to go to the ER. So off we went.

Once there they were not able to find it with a doppler either. They finally called for an u/s but since it's a small hospital the u/s tech left at 11pm and needed to be called back. It seemed like forever, I laid there sure that he was gone. Finally we get the u/s and what do they find? A happy healthy little baby measuring right where he should be with a good hb.

I feel like I overreacted, but had I not felt like crap all day I may have not thought anything of it. My OB lectured me today about using the doppler so I think I may need to lay off it. It was scary, but I am so glad everything turned out fine.

Today I am exhausted from only getting 5hrs sleep, my back is still killing but dr said welcome to pregnancy. GREAT!

NT scan-13wks1d

Please don't get me wrong I am totally thrilled that everything looked good and our little man is doing great! But I was a little disappointed with this appointment.

After waiting 2hr, yes 2hrs our appointment was at 2:30 and they didn't take us till 4:30, I think the tech was in a little bit of a rush to get out of there. He showed us a bunch of views of the little guy, but was moving the probe around so much and so fast that it was hard to get a good view of him. I also find that they never point the screen at me, my Dh always gets the great views and is thrilled with the experience while I am stuck seeing a side view. He printed out a few pictures for us, but they are blurry and not the greatest shots. It was exciting to see him, but I was hoping for more. Knowing that I won't have another u/s till 20wks doesn't help.

I know I should be thrilled, but I'm bummed. My Dh is floating on air and thought it was all amazing, I was less then impressed. God that sounds awful! Again I am just thrilled the little guy is doing well, I guess nothing else matters right?

Happy 2010-12wks

Today we officially announced on Facebook that 2010 will be the year our baby will be born!

We posted the picture attached and the status went something like this....
Party hats $4.29, streamers and noise makers $5.15, bottle of sparkling cider $6.00, being to tell friends and family that 2010 is the year our baby will be born.....PRICELESS!!
Baby Ryan due July 15, 2010

The responses we got were overwhelming. We have been blessed with wonderful family and friends who have supported us every step of the way. They have all been praying for us, and today I saw just how much this baby is already loved.

Today was a good day, it was wonderful to be able to make this announcement. I have been waiting so long to become a member of this elite club, and today I got my membership card!

Happy 2010!