Another big day tomorrow-7wk3d

So tomorrow I get released from my RE, EEEK! For the last 4yrs I have watched women leave the RE's office for the last time, they have this glow, smiling from ear to ear, u/s pic in hand, and I have always wondered what that would feel like. But tonight as I get ready to be released I now know what it feels like, it's totally terrfying! This doesn't happen to me, it seems like a dream, I am just waiting for something to go wrong. I hate having that attitude and I wish that I could just enjoy every moment, but I am just so scared! It makes me sad that I have wanted this for so long and now I am here worrying it all away. I can't wait to see my little guy again tomorrow, and hear the wonderful sound of his heartbeat.

My appointment with my OB is the 16th. I have to go a whole week without an u/s, I really hope they do one at the first appointment. I will lose my mind if they don't! How am I going to go 4 weeks at a time without an appointment? My poor Dr I may just drive him crazy withing the first week.

I am so over whelmed. I want to do everything right for this little guy, I want to eat all the right things, get all the right vitamins, drink the right amount of water etc. It's so hard though, I really have no idea what I am doing. It's funny after all this time trying to get pg, I never took time to find out what to do after I got pg. There are just so many rules! It's overwhelming, and scary! I feel all this pressure to do all the right things, I don't want to f&ck this up! I bought "What to expect when your expecting" and I am thumbing through it, talk about over whelming! Part of me is still afraid to read to much, just in case anything should go wrong. After this appointment I will throw myself into it!

I sent my Dh a link to this blog www.hisboyscanswim.com,its really cute and gives them an idea of where the baby is in terms they can understand. Last week at our u/s as I was getting dressed I said something about it still being so small. He responded with, "he's only the size of a lug nut" lol it cracked me up that not only did he actually look at the blog, but he knew where we were in development. Then the other day we were driving and he said it was the size of a blueberry. I asked him how he know that, and he said I read it in your book. I can't believe that he actually looked through my book! So cute, I love him and know he's going to be an amazing dad!

Ok I think I have rambled on long enough. I will post again tomorrow when we get back from the u/s. Fingers crossed everything is great!

Happy Thanksgiving-7wks

Over the last 4yrs I have learned to hate the holidays, and often found it hard to be thankful for all of the things I do have in my life. This year it is as if the light has been turned on and I can finally see how much I truly have to be thankful for....

My wonderful husband who is my rock and without him I don't know where I would be. My loving family who support us and love us the way only family can. Great friends who have stuck by our side through thick and thin. And of course our little miracle, who I am truly thankful to have been blessed with.

I'll never tire of this feeling-6wk5d

After everything that happen on Friday I spent most of the weekend worrying and over analyzing my every twinge and lack of symptom. I got little to no sleep last night, just terrified that I was going to go in today and his heartbeat would be gone. But........Everything is perfect! He is measuring exactly 6wk5d and his heartbeat was 128. I'm so relieved! I think I might actually start to enjoy this now. I get released next week and my RE told me to make an appt with my OB for 2wks from now. I can't believe this is really happening, someone pinch me!

I am Blessed-6wk2d

After having a bunch of dreams that my beta didn't rise, and that my progesterone dropped, and waiting all morning for them to call with my results, I finally called them.

I got the answering service, and had to wait for someone to call me back. They did call back rather quickly but of course it seemed like forever, especially when you convince yourself its bad news.

Beta was 22, 262, she said progesterone was good and that everything looked good.

I always said I wouldn't create a ticker till after I saw the heartbeat. Well I saw and HEARD the heartbeat. So I am proud to have posted my first ticker!!!!

I don't know why I am lucky enough to have finally gotten pregnant, or why after bleeding so much I got to see and hear a healthy little heartbeat, or why after all of this my numbers are still good and rising. But I do know that I am blessed, and that I am thankful for this blessing I have been given. I will enjoy each day, hope for the best, and continue to pray for the strength to get me through whatever lies ahead.

Today I am feeling very blessed!

No one said this woud be easy-6wk1d

I was leaving work today around 1:30 and I thought let me just go to the bathroom before I go. I went and I was full fledged bleeding. I quickly called my RE and started flying down there, crying the whole time of course. After what seemed like an eternity I finally get down there, I get into the room and I can just feel the blood. I'm still crying my fool head off when the dr comes in and tells me to calm down. He goes to put the dildo cam in and says,"oh your bleeding a lot!"

UMM YEAH!!!

But then there he was, our lil one, measuring exactly 6wks 1day. Dr saw the heartbeat, I was of course asking a million questions when he finally shushed me and said lets see if we can hear it. Then I heard the most amazing sound ever! I was in total shock, a minute ago I was convinced I had lost this pregnancy, and now I'm listening to his heartbeat. His heartbeat was 116 which the Dr said was good. He told me to go home and rest, no lifting, not heavy work.

He leaves the room and I get up and the blood just pours out, I know TMI I'm sorry. It was everywhere, and bright red! I came home and went to the bathroom and passed huge clots, size of golf balls. I of course start crying again, telling DH that things could have been great 30 mins ago but maybe not now.

I call my nurse back and she tells me everything looks good, to rest and that it could be a lot of things like the placenta moving or from the cervix etc. I don't know this is a lot! She tells me that as long as its dark that means its old. Again I don't know! I tell her that I filled a pad in hr, she asked if it seemed to be slowing down....well yeah, kinda. I did beg her to let me come in sooner then the 30th, there is no way I can go that long after this! She told me I can come in on Tuesday.

They did bw they will call me tomorrow with the results, I just really need for everything to be ok. I am soooo crampy. I know I should trust the Dr and what I saw and heard on the u/s, but how can this be ok?

Beta #3-5wk2d

I got there this morning for what I thought was just bw but they told me I was scheduled for an u/s also. This of course worried me, I wasn't prepared for an u/s. I wasn't prepared to hear bad news, I wasn't prepared to see a blank u/s screen.

They did my bw and after 2hrs they finally called me in for the u/s. The Dr said everything looks good. It's still early and we weren't able to see alot, but we saw the sac. I asked if it's where it's suppose to be, I was worried about an ectopic. He repeated that everything looked good, said I'll go back again next week, hopefully we'll see a heartbeat and everything will be better! He printed out our first u/s pic and was on his way.

On our way home I got the call from the nurse, I was terrifed that my numbers weren't going to be good. She didn't sound like she was calling with good news, but then she said everything looks good! My beta went up to 4,072!!! I had to ask her to repeat the number cause I couldn't believe it!

I am so excited! I think this might actually be the one! I know that we still have a ways to go before we are out of the woods. But for today everything is good and I am going to enjoy this day!

Beta #2

350!!

It doubled! I can't believe this, I am so excited!! I know it's still early but I can't help but think this is it! They don't want to see me back till the 14th, five whole days away, which of course terrifies me. All my symptoms are gone which causes more concern, but for right now I am trying to enjoy this moment. I wish I could just fast forward to the u/s at 6 weeks, and then fast forward to January when I will officially be out of my 1st trimester. Maybe then I will be able to breathe a sigh of relief. For now I am going to get lots of rest, drink lots of water, and enjoy the fact the today I am pregnant!

Beta is in and......

I'm Knocked Up!!!!

We went for my b/w early this morning and then headed into the city for the Yankee parade. This wound up being a huge mistakes since we weren't able to get in to the city as early as we needed to and the closest we could get was like a block away from the parade route. But we got to experience the craziness of Yankee fans and at times it took my mind off the ticking time bomb I had in my pocket (my phone). Once we decided seeing the parade was a bust we started heading home, this required much more walking then on the way in due to subway station closures because of the parade. At one point I felt a lot of cramping and had to sit down. At this point it was 1pm and I still hadn't heard anything. I was afraid that the cramping was a sign I was pushing myself to much. At one point I said to Dh I know I'm not suppose to get my hopes up, but I feel pregnant. We decided that we would stop in a diner and get some breakfast/lunch. I was relieved to empty my over full bladder, get to sit, and finally eat something for the first time all day! I then proceeded to eat 2 scrambled eggs, 3 pancakes, and a plate of hash browns. Not to mention the 2 glasses of water. After a long trip home on crowded subways and an even more crowded train we were finally back in NJ. It was now 2:30pm and I still hadn't heard anything. I of course take this to mean that it's bad news, and I begin to lose hope with every minute that passes. I was afraid that they forgot to run my b/w or forgot to call me, after 4pm no one is in the office. So I decide to put a call in to my nurse just to remind her that I was still here waiting, annoying I know! So at 3:01pm my nurse called. She told me she had good news for me and that my beta was positive!!

My Beta was 154 today at 10 days past 5 day transfer. Thats the highest beta I have ever had! When I was saying my prayers for a positive beta, I also prayed for a beta higher then 100. I was so relieved to hear a nice high number. I know I am not out of the woods yet, I have to go back sunday to make sure the number doubles. This will let us know that it is a viable pregnancy. Again my numbers have never really doubled. So Dh has given me strict rules not to leave the couch this weekend and we pray for numbers higher then 300 on Sunday! I am still afraid to get excited, but I am so excited!! I have felt that this was our cycle since the day of the ET, but was terrifed I would be wrong and pushed the thoughts out of my head. I have not felt well all this week. After talking to some ladies on my message boards they had informed me that some of my symptoms did sound like preganancy symptoms. Again I was afraid to get my hopes up so I tried to think about it, coughing it up to just getting sick, or the time change.

My symptoms were as follows......
5dpt- shortness of breathe
6dpt-shortness of breathe, extremly tired, rash on my chest
7dpt-shortness of breathe, extremly tired, rash on my chest, headache all day
8dpt- tiredness continues, headache all day, body aches, feel like I'm getting the flu, very hungry
9dpt- Woke up after after 10 1/2 hrs of sleep still tired, headache gone, body aches gone, still hungry wanted to eat everything in sight!
10dpt-all symptoms are gone, cramping, and lower back pain, and still very hungry!!